understanding

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there." "Understanding (Wash It All Away)" by Evanescence

As I embark upon the month in which I turn 62 years of age I have begun to take account of the life I live and the current set of circumstances I find in this life. The holiday of Rosh Ha Shana was the motivator for this task of trying to understand it all and the upcoming celebration of a mid century life on my behalf provides the energy to complete my thinking.

I understand that we can not predict the path or the severity of hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes or floods. We always have some idea but because the origin of these disasters is Mother Nature we can’t quite claim ownership and can’t quite quiet the fray. However what I don’t understand is the current economic complications in which we find this great nation of our mired. The economics of man seem to be man made for good or bad. We created currency and we created the rules and regulations in which and how currency is used, shared or hoarded. Yet as we watch this recession, almost depression economic whirlybird unwind we are told there is nothing to do but witness the madness. Huh! It seems if man made it man can unmake it. Those who have money can lend their money to those who don’t. Those who say they have no one buying their product so they can’t hire more workers can in fact hire more workers, pay them a decent wage then the worker can spend his/her wage and buy more products from people who say no one is buying their products. Instead of hiding our money denying others to use their money, we can simply say to earn money is to spend money to spend money is to make more money. Man made problem man made solution!

I understand that many who profess to be religious believe in a particular God with whom they have a personal relationship. I understand that for many God is a spiritual leader and the many writings of God help direct individuals on a road of morality and ethics. I understand that for many God sets the standards for which mere mortals hopefully will live. Yet suddenly God has become for some who qualify themselves as religious an angry, bigoted, backward, biased bogeyman. Suddenly for some God no longer lives in some eternal place of peace but wears a KKK outfit, sends his kids to non integrated schools, loves to hangout in peoples bedrooms, hates other Gods, and defines him/herself as non inclusive. Huh! I don’t understand how it seems that suddenly we have created God and he/she is a puppet of our own insecurities, ineptitudes and inappropriateness. I don’t understand how God is now the reason why we can’t love our neighbor but want to destroy anything they are or do or own!

I understand that as humans some of us are blessed with talents, skills, abilities that when we activate create, develop, command and develop them we attract the attention of others who respond with awe and devotion. I understand that athletes and artists, inventors and innovators receive attention and stardom for presenting to other humans ideas and ideals that seem unique and special. I understand that one of a kind warrants some attention and rewards. Yet somehow when a teacher ignites the engine of education, a nurse helps the healing of the sick, a soldier risks his/her life for freedom we many times look the other way take for granted, ignore the talents and skills this group of Americans have brought to the fore. I don’t understand why we will pay $18 for tickets to see a movie, $120 to see a Broadway play, $200 a ticket to watch the NBA or NFL yet squirm and fidget when teachers, nurses, first responders, our troops ask for a decent wage and affordable benefits. I don’t understand how we identify our hero’s from larger than life personalities, and we ignore the hero’s who help maintain our lives. I don’t understand why someone so distant receives our love and devotion while our neighbors, friends, get glaring glances and angry moans. Huh!

There is so much I understand and so much more I just don’t get. As I fall into my autumn years of life I am trying to be less opinionated and more obliged to understand. I want to see both sides of an issue and maybe three if they exist, but until my questions of why not are answered I find it frustrating and futile to figure things out. In 2011 what seems to me to be obvious is now odd, what should be obvious is opaque, what should be obvious is obliterated with trap doors, innuendo, and lies. All I really want to do is understand.

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time "Understanding (Wash It All Away)" by Evanescence