line up

A rant about lines.

I was lucky enough to have had the opportunity to act as counselor and trip guide for three summers in a row, taking 40 teen aged kids to Israel for 6 weeks at a time. (As an aside I was more amazed that I was granted the responsibility to chaperone these kids and many times had to say quietly to myself OMG how did this happen.) It did happen and I was quite successful in performing that job description. Now this a rant about lines and their necessity or annoyance. My first summer  while in Israel there would come a time when the teens had to go to a bank and cash their American dollars for Israeli currency. Being good kids brought up by good parents, manners were a part of the behavior while visiting a foreign country. We got to the bank with plenty of time to spare, were there about 15 minutes before they opened, and stood in a very straight line at the ready to enter the bank when it opened. My first year, I was quite amazed that we were the only ones standing at the ready to enter the bank and noticed an absence of Israeli’s  Cool I thought, we will be in and out and continue our tour agenda without too much delay. The 10:00 hour approached and suddenly without any warning, from apparently hidden vestiges of the sidewalk as the doors opened a tsunami of Israeli citizens swarmed the entrance to the bank and any semblance of our American stand in line and wait your turn behavior was torn apart and it became every American and Israeli man and woman for your self. I learned that first year that lines were a charade of Western civilization and were as sturdy and safe as riding on a flat tire.

When my own kids were young we took a trip to Disney/Epcot in Orlando. I had heard that lines could last for an hour at some amusement rides and tried to take all the precautions a parent could to NOT have his young kids moan, groan and get bored waiting in line. Disney is a sophisticated operation when it comes to lines and they have discovered some tricks to not only dissuade any kind of young child hissy fit, but to enhance the Disney experience. It was summer time hot and humid. We were waiting on line for the Pirates of the Caribbean. Adam was calm but Dani was NOT. She was hot sweaty, moody, and wanted to leave. We were already on line for 30 minutes and leaving was not an option. Disney being greedy as ever had vendors selling drinks or ices located at the three bends in the line. Smart, because just when you made the bend and thought you were almost getting on the ride, a vendor was there to stop you from seeing that there were still 50 people ahead of you. Being the good Dad, and trying my best to bribe my daughter I said I would buy her an ice and a drink. I asked Adam to hold his sisters hand swore to him no cooties would be exchanged while touching his sister and walked about three feet to the ice/soda vendor. I turned my head for three minutes bought the ice and went back to where I thought my kids were standing on line. No kids, no familiar other people in front of me or behind me, just me and bunch of strangers. I had no idea we were at the third bend in the line meaning access to thew ride was imminent. A lady wearing hello my name is Ida, walked over to me and said my kids were about to embark on the ride, and they refused to get out of line and asked her if she would find me so they could ride Pirates of the Caribbean.. This was a line that meant business.

This past Sunday, it was Farmers Market time in West Hollywood on Melrose Place (no not that Melrose Place) to be exact. A Farmers Market, a place of freedom, choice, opportunity a place to buy local, a place to kick back and relax and enjoy the fruits of the labor of farmers. There are no lines per say at the Farmers Market. You select your fruit or veggies walk up to the vendor and pay. NOPE, not at this Farmers Market. What you get is a bunch of pushy hipsters eating some of the fruit they have yet not paid for poking their grubby and sticky hands in front of you insisting they were here first or most importantly in a hurry. You get Moms and Dads talking on a phone while pushing some $8000 stroller right in front of you never apologizing for bumping into you but critical of the fact you just disturbed their child. You get a non line,Hipster, Upper Middle Class invention based on nothing but entitlement and selfishness. You get nothing that resembles a line and suddenly you actually miss the LINE!