what is the difference

I was 47 years old when I finally permitted myself to look in the mirror and say, albeit in a quiet voice, “I guess I am really Gay”. It took two whole years to follow for me to admit that piece of my life to family and friends, but when I was able to release the pressure valve of fear, worry, intimidation I actually witnessed my body float about three feet off the Earth and felt as if I had just traveled into the stratosphere. Perhaps I am embellishing some facts, maybe I AM speaking the truth, but the recognition of self and self worth was a moment in my life which propelled me forward and I have tried my hardest to never stop that trajectory. 

I think I was 49 years old when I finally matured enough to NOT fear words like HOMO or FAGGOT, and could actually look the ignorant angry caller of those words in the eye and tell them just how pathetic they were in using descriptions like that to fend off their own inhibitions and self hatred. It was tough, but the acknowledgment that I am NOT less then anyone else because I happen to love the way I do, was riveting and full of rebound. If I did not permit anyone else to own my identity, then in reality I HAD full control of my own destiny. I then began to involve myself in the political landscape of this nation trying to understand what civil rights, equal rights, equality and freedom really meant. I suppose I had never given all of that too much pause since I had never felt their importance until I realized just how often my freedoms had been denied. I had also discovered just how dangerous the dogma of religious fervor rurally was, and just how much priority it represented in our American political system.

Many of us have read the Supreme Court’s ruling on the rights of a corporation (Hobby Lobby) to usurp their religious personhood beliefs over actual persons who happen to be female. In a nation whose Supreme Court Justices ARE selected to the bench because of their partisan beliefs this ruling should come as no surprise. (Many of us should use this exact ruling to understand that an election of a President has far reaching consequences). I am angry as Hell, and feel betrayed because once again a population is being discounted, scapegoated and their rights are being ignored in the name of religion in a country whose history is based on freedom from religious persecution NOT on freedom for religion. I feel betrayed because I have a daughter, sisters, an aunt and good friends who seem to be considered second class citizens. I feel betrayed because it seems the name of Jesus Christ resonates louder then names like Washington, Madison, Adams, and Jefferson. I feel betrayed because as a Gay man I understand that divide and conquer is dangerous and usually leaves a winner and too many losers. I feel betrayed because once again I am witnessing a demographic of Americans who are considered anything but equal.

In the world of the T-Publican/Evangelical Christian/ FOX News/ Rush Limbaugh conservative radio listener true history is a burden and facts can only flow freely if they are somehow intertwined with the New Testament. Our Constitution is just a photo copy of a document meant to be abridged, obliterated and ignored. Jesus it seems was the first president, and the only person permitted to rule this nation. I was told as a Gay man that I would go to Hell, that I was not a true American and that I was less then. And now I am watching as the women of this nation are being treated with same disrespect, disregard, and disparaging remarks as I was, until I finally fought back. If you love your mother, sister, aunt, niece, best friends isn’t it time to look yourself in the mirror and FINALLY say this has to stoop with me. At 47 I rallied it was my CHOICE to make a difference in my life; now it is OUR choice to make a difference in the lives of the females we love, admire and respect.