imagining

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace... (“Imagine”, John Lennon)

The Republican affiliated Super PAC’s and other outside conservative groups have big spending plans this election cycle, and Democratic aligned outside groups may have a hard time keeping up.

Outside groups like GOP aligned Crossroads GPS, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, and Americans For Prosperity, the group founded by the billionaire Koch brothers, are planning to spend roughly $1 billion this election cycle, according to a report from Politico. 

I would like to imagine what if anything the 1 billion dollars raised, would have been used for, say: improve schools, repair infrastructure, help the poor and homeless, and decrease the cost of medical care.

And then I imagine, what if those donors who wrote a 7 figure check, actually paid their fair share of taxes at a rate equal to those who can only manage to write checks for mortgage, health insurance and food.

And then I imagine have we reached the point when Democracy will just be a subject studied in OLD American history  along with the buffalo, the American Indian, and a useless piece of paper called the Constitution?

The young woman asked the doctor whether or not emergency contraceptives were available and whether the doctor was simply refusing to provide them. The nurse told her “I will not give you emergency contraceptives because it goes against my belief.” The doctor refused to help her, even though she had just been raped, and refused to find another doctor to help her.

Fearfully, what I imagined might happen with the division of church and state being cemented over, took place. Fearfully, what I imagined, when those who think the Bible has precedent over the Constitution happened. Fearfully, what I imagined was the next battle regarding the ‘war on women’

was waged.

I now imagine how often a self righteous, pompous, religious zealot will condemn the actions of others and feel no remorse in denying medical, physical or emotional assistance, because God told them not to.

I now imagine what justice will look like when it is only defined by ‘My Belief” and no American law to usurp bigotry and prejudice.

“Our persistence will pay off! One day we will answer for our actions or lack of them. We must remain diligent and stand up for Biblical values and truth. Scripture says multiple times that homosexuality is wrong, and God will not tolerate this sinful nature”.

Imagine, the nerve of JCPenny who used a Lesbian, Ellen Degeneres, as a spokesperson for their product, to now produce a commercial with two Homosexuals who are Dads with kids! 

Imagine the One Million Moms, irritation, irate iterations, and intense witch hunting in response to JCPenny’s audacity in marketing their stores with two loving parents, two content kids who of all things Un-American are Gay!

Imagine how the One Million Moms continue to blame God as their reason for hate and never once admit it has nothing to with God but everything to do with their own homophobia. Imagine how Father’s Day 2012 will now be treated like a day to honor the Devil, because JCPenny stood on Mt Sinai, at the Cross and threw the tablets to the ground and hammered in the first nail.

Jay Townsend, a campaign spokesman for Republican Rep. Nan Hayworth (NY-19)  said, Let’s hurl some acid at those female democratic Senators who won’t abide the mandates they want to impose on the private sector.

Hard to imagine an official spokesperson for a sitting NY Representative, telling her constituents to ‘hurl acid’ on the women in the Senate who vote for women’s rights.

Hard to imagine the deafening silence of a sitting Representative, charged with maintaing law and order for this nation never once apologize for this insinuated act of violence. A violence against citizens of New York, but against the First Amendment.

Hard to imagine that politics CAN now include as part of the campaign a description of violence, an act against elected officials of the US Government. And harder to imagine how nonplused and non caring Representative Nan Hayworth is about this whole mess.

One time in the history of this country it was hard to imagine, we would be free from the persecution of a King. One time in the history of this country it was hard to imagine, that Blacks could vote, White men could marry Black Women. One time in our history it was hard to imagine that women could not only vote, but work at jobs deemed for men only, and women could be responsible for their own bodies. One time it was hard to imagine that one person one vote made Democracy relevant and keystone of this nation.

Now it is harder to imagine, that freedoms, equalities, justices, civil rights are being bandied about as if the soul of any of those never mattered That the heart of those issues made no difference in keeping the USA on the moral and ethical high road. Hard to imagine how people on the right can be so wrong.

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world... (“Imagine”, John Lennon)

home, my home

I lived my life in secret for about 45 years. I permitted information regarding who I was to flow as freely as I wished, but like a Communist State, I withheld any and all facts that might dissuade my public from not liking me. Or so I thought.I was fearful, mean, angry and resentful that this lie I had burning inside of me was a fire I could never ever put out. I was a good guy to everyone else but me. And all of this turmoil, tedium and duress because of the many things about me I was Gay.For many reasons learned from the world around the place I called home, all I heard was anything but Gay was good.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it home again

It's so far and out of sight

I really need someone to talk to, and nobody else

Knows how to comfort me tonight (‘Home Again’, Carole King)

Disturbing footage of what appears to be a young child's choral performance is going viral in the blogosphere.

The congregation in the church, which has been identified as the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle Church in Greensburg, Ind., gives a standing ovation after the child sings, "I know the Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong...ain't no homos gonna make it to heaven."

I remember the moment I finally fought my fear, and self loathing and admitted out loud to those I loved that among the many facets of who I am I am Gay. I remember how in an instant, all of those I loved said, ‘so what’. For 45 years I never expected a ‘so what’ from this terrible tirade of personal angst, and almost found my self saying, did you hear me, I SAID I AM GAY.

When I think of home

I think of a place where there's love overflowing

I wish I was home

I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing (‘Home’, Charlie Smalls)

Yet another Christian pastor's anti-gay rant has come to light in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) blogosphere. Curtis Knapp, pastor of the New Hope Baptist Church in Seneca, Kan., appears to call for the death of gays in this disturbing audio.

"They should be put to death -- that's what happened in Israel," Knapp proclaims. "That's why homosexuality wouldn't have grown in Israel."

At first I kept the secret of being Gay to close friends and family. I seemed so cocky about the fact that I am Gay and if you don’t like it too bad. But all that cockiness subsided like the waters of a tsunami whenever I was in the public. I tried to act like a heterosexual male (whatever the fuck that was), I never displayed affection to the man of the moment, and I tried hard to stop any conversation that might end up talking about homosexuals. I was once again trapped in a jail of my own making. Free at last, free at last in the cozy comfort of home, but scared in the light of day.

From the mountains high

To the wave-crashed coast

There’s a way to find better days I know

It’s been a long hard ride

Got a ways to go

But this is still the place

That we all call home ( ‘Home’, Dierks Bently)

Nine couples filed a lawsuit in Illinois on Wednesday to challenge the constitutionality of a state law that denies same-sex couples the right to marry.

The lawsuit, filed in state court, comes a year after Illinois implemented civil unions for same-sex couples, the American Civil Liberties Union said in a statement.

I have paid taxes, raised a family, paid my bills been employed, saluted the flag, voted since I was 21,volunteered to feed the poor, tutor the uneducated, signed up for the Draft, and been a citizen of the United States for 62 years, going on 63 and have called the USA my home. Yet, in the year 2012, suddenly all I am as a Gay man is coming into question. Suddenly, a law of a church can usurp the law of the land. Suddenly people who base their bigotry on a Bible rather then find the truth in the Constitution are in charge of my freedoms. Suddenly it is the ignorant who seem to have free passage in this nation with no regard for anything really red, white, and blue.

I am so tired of being told NO. This election may be about the economy, about jobs, about the deficit at first glance, but anyone with keen insight, and sharp senses of fair better worry that the cost of worrying only about the economy is rotting the rights and freedoms of the citizens of this great nation.

This iS my HOME and I will be damned if the Devil and his worshipers will drag me to hell. We must fight for our home, a place of equality for all.

Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam

And the deer and the antelope play

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And the skies are not cloudy all day (“Home on the Range”, Brewster Highly”)

Tuesday, May 29

The BBQ has been cleaned. The ooh’s and ahh’s while viewing the fireworks have subsided. We thanked the Troops, saluted the flag, and shouted U-S-A, U-S-A. The long weekend is being remembered, some, lucky enough to have a job are celebrating a four day work week ahead. And for those living in the east, the winter clothes have been placed in boxes once home to summer ware. 

And tonight Mitt Romney is being hosted at a political fund raiser by the king of ‘birtherism’ Donald Trump. Mitt’s talking heads insist that the company Mitt keeps is not a reflection on the candidate. Somehow, it is not Mitt’s responsibility for words or deeds done by those who campaign for him or toast him. But if those who have little regard for truth want to support their candidate, then so be it. This is America the Beautiful.

The unofficial arrival of summer took place on Memorial Day, Baseball is in full throttle, and amazingly swim suits are already on sale. We visited the cemeteries of the fallen and the brave. We wondered if those who died, did so in vane. We thought hard and came to the conclusion that what the Troops did; did it for America and that was the pinnacle of Patriotism.  

And today, the Governor of Kanas signed into law a law banning Sharia Law. This law  had and has no standing or jurisdiction in this nation in the first place. Just one more way to hate the Muslims. Two American women who among the many attributes of their life happen to be Lesbians, returned to their home to find it burned in a belligerent act of arson. A neighbor had been quoted as saying one dead queer is good , two dead queers better. They are only Lesbians, so the police have looked the other way. This is a land of Spacious Skies, Amber Waves of Grain and Purple Mountains Majesties. 

The neighbors sat on their porches, their kids playing in the cul-de-sac. Cities found the funds to sponsor parades honoring the fallen, the frail, the freedom fighters whose tenure and time kept America safe. Bunting was strewn on light poles, miniature flags attached to cars, and news casters listed the proper way to display the flag and the very wrong, inappropriate manners of handling the flag. Everyone felt a warm comfort as they placed one hand on their heart pledging allegiance to that Flag.

And today, news leaked that Bank of America, one of the banks to receive American taxpayers bailout money would be creating 30,000 jobs in the Philippines. You know the Bank deemed too large to fail. Maureen Russo a citizen of the State of Florida received a notice from the state of Florida that they insisted she was not born in this country and would no longer be eligible to vote. Maureen is a registered voter and has voted for the last four decades. News outlets other then FOX, asked the Romney campaign team why Mitt only permits interviews or appearances on FOX. If he is running for president of all the Americans what is he afraid of in answering real questions other then the PR written by FOX. This is My Country Tis of Thee.

I love my country, am honored to be living in the USA, I am very glad my kids have been born in a nation I care so much about. I understand the selflessness, our Troops have endured, and the pain and sorry many of their families have been left with. I see the Veterans returning home, with Post trauma stress and the duress of losing limbs, and hope. I celebrate Memorial Day with earnest and honest approach. 

But it is now Tuesday, May 29, 2012 and now that the marching bands are quiet, the Flags are restocked ready to honor the Fourth of July, the super markets are sane and empty, the movies about every war America has been involved in have played, all I see is we vs they, us vs them, me not you, and this is my America not yours. Of Thee I Sing.

For all the lives lost, the futures placed on hold, the altruism demonstrated by those we honored on Memorial Day, I see nothing on this Tuesday, May 29 acknowledging those men and women, those Patriots and their immeasurable actions and intentions.

I am not sure if I feel sad, disillusioned, frustrated or just as if I was sold the rights to the Brooklyn Bridge. Is THIS LAND MY LAND?

we the people

Memorial Day is usually one of the national holidays, where most Americans have some idea why it is celebrated. We get all red, white and blue and talk about this country in a collective manner. If an alien landed in America on Memorial Day it might think “Wow, the citizenry of this humanoid nation like each other, respect each other”.  We eat hamburger’s and hot dogs off the grill, roast marshmallows, watch fire works and love to listen to the music that is American made/American born. Many an American think by singing the lyrics to these patriotic songs is all they need to do to prove how much they love this country.  And while we place our hands on our hearts, wipe away a tear, sigh deeply and love this country, there are other lyrics being sung by too many with meanings anything but red, white and blue... 

These are the lyrics when God DOES bless America

"While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer. " ( lyrics-God Bless America, Irving Berlin)

These are the lyrics when God DOES NOT Bless America.

“God Hates Fags” (lyrics-Westboro Baptist Church)

“I figured a way out, a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers but I couldn’t get it pass the Congress – build a great big large fence, 50 or a hundred mile long. Put all the lesbians in there, fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals. And have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. (lyrics-Pastor Charles Worley, Providence Road Baptist Church)

“Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. .... You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting too butch, you reign her in." (lyrics- Pastor Sean Harris, Berean Baptist Church)

These are lyrics when This Land IS for everyone

Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back
This land was made for you and me. (Lyrics-This Land is Your Land, Woody Guthrie)

These are lyrics when This Land IS NOT for everyone

"Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. (lyrics-Mitt Romney)

"I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." (lyrics-Mitt Romney)

"I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there." (lyrics-Mitt Romney)

These are lyrics when America IS beautiful

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea! (lyrics-America the Beautiful, Katharine Lee Bates)

These are lyrics when America IS NOT beautiful

"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil." (lyrics- Sarah Palin)

“Why can’t you just make the best out of a bad situation? [rape] (lyrics-Rick Santorum)

“Isn’t it ironic that the food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever,” Franson said. “Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture, asks us to please not feed the animals, because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.” (lyrics-Minnesota State Representative, Mary Franson)

Holidays are wonderful moments in time, but too often the meaning of these holidays is so fragile and fleeting that once the night comes and the holiday has ended, we just box up the emotions and reasons and never open them until the same holiday comes around the same time next year.

God can bless America, this Land can be our Land and America can be Beautiful not when we just sing about it, but when we stop the hate, ignorance, bigotry sung every other day then Memorial Day. Why not honor those who have died, lost limbs, mind and soul to make America free, by understanding the meaning of ‘We the People’, every day. 

saturday of memories

On the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend from 1955 until 1963 my sister and I would drive with my father to Father and Son Shoes located in the East Liberty neighborhood of Pittsburgh. We would walk into the store and ask for Lou. Lou wearing his blue suit with a his red tie, blue socks and red, white blue handkerchief hanging from his left pocket with the initials LKL would smile a huge grin hand us a piece of wrapped candy and welcome us. And he would say its summer time!

My sister and I would get our official its summer time canvass shoes with a thick one inch rubber soul. My sisters would be in beige and mine was in blue. These shoes were made by magicians I was sure because as each day summer passed the soul on the shoe would decrease and almost disappear by the Sunday night of Labor Day as the Jerry Lewis Telethon began.

On the Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend after we drove to East Liberty, my dad would drop off my sister at home and he and I would drive to the Regent Square neighborhood of the city and head off to Jerry and Son Barber Shop. Jerry senior would hug my dad, speaking in Italian say, ‘Tempo d'estate lo scarto di un bravo ragazzo’ then laugh and say to me do you know what I just said. For the first few years I just shook my head and shyly said no. Jerry senior would slap me on my back and say by Labor Day for your next haircut you had better know. Finally as the third year approached for my Memorial Day haircuts,  after Jerry spoke to me in Italian I would look him in the eye and say ‘summer time haircut for a good boy’. Jerry would chuckle hand me a cigar and say ‘Un ragazzo intelligente’, what a smart boy.

This haircut was shorter then a crew cut and like the days of summer grew longer until all I needed to do was buy a can of wax use a round crew cut comb and brush my almost invisible hair. Like my shoes this haircut lasted the entire summer until Jerry Lewis announced the most amazing total for his Telethon on TV.

On the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend after buying the shoes and getting the haircut, my Dad would take my sister and I and drive to the Squirrel Hill Police Station. He was the desk Sargent at this station. When we entered the station both my sister and I would hear the following: nice shoes, looking at me like the haircut, with one or two policemen brushing their hands on my non-existent hair. They would then ask us to stand against the wall taking a pencil and drawing our height measurement on the wall. Then one policeman acting stern would look at my sister and I and say when you come back here at the end of summer you both better be taller then this mark. 

We then carried four dozen American flags from the basement of the jail to our car. A few policemen shouted to us, you know why we celebrate this holiday. My sister and I knew but even if we didn’t we still shook our heads in a very animated way.

My Dad, sister and I would bring the flags home and on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend my sister and I and a friend or two, we deemed important, would walk up and down Denniston Avenue knocking on the doors of our neighbors and give them each a flag.

Back in the day my Memorial Day weekend, was a phased in holiday. In Linden School, the week before, Miss Cyphers our music teacher taught us The Caissons Go Rolling Along, The Marine’s Hymn, Anchors Away, My Country Tis of Thee and America the Beautiful. Miss Mac Intier our Social Studies teacher had a week long lesson on WWI, WWII and the Korean War. She told us to always salute the flag and say thank you to anyone who ever fought in a war to make America safe.

Saturday’s were chores for the holiday weekend. Sunday we watched at least four movies “The Best Years of Our Lives”, “Stars and Stripes Forever”, “Sands of Iwo Jima and always one with a bunch of movie stars entertaining for the Troops. My mother would bake her apple and cherry pie, the best fried chicken in the world and potato salad. On Memorial Day we would all gather at the corner of Shady Avenue and Aylesboro Street and watch as my Dad kept the Memorial Day Parade for Squirrel Hill run on time.

On this Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, I have a lump in my throat, a teeny tear ready to drop, a sigh and a deep breath. I am grateful having lived in a country that has permitted me to feel free. I am grateful for the brave men and women who above all else believed in preserving freedom. I am hopeful that the potential for good we have had in the past in this nation doesn’t die and is not destroyed not by an enemy from a foreign  shore, but by cowards from within.

Happy Saturday of Memorial Day weekend.

Curley, Larry and Mo will be schmoozing, cruising, picking the pockets of a few millionaires and billionaires in Las Vegas. Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have decided to go on the road in Vegas; and I only wish the saying that what happens in Vegas stays there held true. But I fear we will see more of the Stooges behaviors then one might ever want to witness now and until November.

With the Three Stooges all in the same place and at the same time it will be hard to find a shard of truth, a speck of honesty, and a moment of fact. With the Three Stooges all in  one place at one time, we will witness the lack of moral depth of men in power, the emptiness of promise, and a shallowness only overshadowed by greed for power and money.

Newt, who is the champion for do as I say not as I do, Trump the champion of I can say what I want truth or not because I am rich, and Mitt the champion of I never said that and if I did I meant it, maybe, will be speaking as one voice. What a sad symphony that!

An old adage is “that birds of a feather all flock together”, and here we have three carnivorous birds flying low looking for prey. And somehow in their search for fresh food, there are plenty of Americans just standing in an open field cheering the three birds on, saying get us we are bigots, racists, ignorant and we don’t don’t know any better.

So the new Three Stooges together pretending to care about anyone but themselves their careers, their bottom line and their egos. Together in Las Vegas where the more you gamble the luckier you feel, but the house is usually the winner. Together filled with innuendo, fiction, and words never meant to calm but to cause chaos.

The Three Stooges explaining that real Americans should be hypocrites, prejudice, permit the wealthy to remain rich, forget about equal rights, and never question Capitalism because you are not as wealthy as they are. The Three Stooges full of pranks and gimmicks where only the poor and middle class get injured. The Three Stooges popular because so many in the audience refuse to see that these men are only a concoction of smoke and mirrors.

I used to laugh when I watched the Three Stooges, suddenly the mention of that name scares me.

some kind of ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day (“Ironic, Alanis Morisette)

56 names appear as signatories at the end of the Declaration of Independence. Our Founding Fathers  representing the 13 colonies created the Preamble to the Constitution and wrote the Constitution.  However the one name not listed on any document pronouncing these 13 colonies as a new nation is the name of Jesus Christ.

YET:

In today’s politics of hate and divide, the only name that is screamed and used as reason to deny rights and freedoms is Jesus Christ. When those whose blood is anything but red, white and blue demand we follow the tenants established by our Founding Fathers in creating the United States, the first name listed as the author is Jesus Christ. Isn’t it ironic!

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late (“Ironic, Alanis Morissette)

The Catholic Church understands the division Church and State and gladly follows those guidelines by not paying taxes. The Catholic Church states it is following Jesus’s word when it chastises and criticizes same sex-marriage and adoption. The Catholic Church says it was established to preach the Gospel and do as Jesus did helping the poor, the average man, the disillusioned, and those in despair.

YET:

The Catholic Bishops and Cardinals of the US write threatening letters to the President stating that it is only the Catholic Church who can set policy regarding women’s reproductive health. It is only the Catholic Church who can govern the lifestyles of women. The Vatican ever at the ready to stop the homosexual agenda, lays land mines and road blocks when it comes to stemming and stopping the rampant scourge of Pedophilia by its own clergy. It is no longer  the Gospel according to Jesus, but the hypocrisy according to self important mere mortals. Isn’t it ironic!

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take  (“Ironic, Alanis Morissette)

Mitt Romney is a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints, was Governor of Massachusetts, ran for the Senate in the state of Massachusetts worked at Bain Capital asset management and financial services company that specializes in private equity venture capital credit and public market investments. Spent the years during the Viet Nam War proselytizing for the Mormons in France and not enlisting. He states that he understands the common needs of the common man.

YET:

He shuns reporters if any question about his religion are asked. Questions like the Church of Latter Day Saints anti Gay policies. Questions like if marriage between one man and one woman was Gods intention, should shame be cast upon your great grand father and those Romney’s before him and their bevy of sister-wives. His being Governor Of Massachusetts is a taboo issue because the next questions might lead to Romney Care, and the fact that during his reign as Governor unemployment placed Massachusetts at the top of the list for states with the highest amount of unemployment. And no one but Romney and his henchmen of propagandists can speak of Bain Capital, and when spoken it is never about profits made from firing workers, or the closing of businesses just that Bain is Capitalism and Romney is a Capitalist. Isn’t it ironic!

A traffic jam when you're already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife (“Ironic”, Alanis Morissette)

Yet, and yet again, we say one thing, and do another. Yet and yet again, we pronounce the enemy with verbose and vehement vocals. Yet and yet again it is your shit that stinks and when I fart it is the smell of grace and beauty. Yet and yet again there is no equality, or freedom for you if I feel the least bit scared that I might have to give up some of my liberties to find consensus.

Yet and yet again we avoid truth and replace it with a soothing fiction. Yet and yet again we blame others for our own jealousies, insecurities leading us to permit God as the reason we discriminate and despise with an ease of conscience. Yet and yet again we follow a path we know will lead us to our demise but follow that road relentlessly.

Yet and yet again, I am not sure if it is ironic or sheer idiocy? 

BORN THIS WAY

BORN THIS WAY:

The Los Angeles celebration of Gay Pride is about two weeks away. West Hollywood is sprucing up for the Festival and Parade. The rainbow flags are being flown on their respective poles. And plenty of banners are ready to flow in the breeze. 

I was walking down Santa Monica Boulevard, the main street in West Hollywood, and passed one of the clothing stores and smack dab in the middle of the window was a banner proclaiming I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

And like one of those ah-hah moments, those you were just smacked in the brain with knowledge moments, those now I realize this, moments, I stopped stared at the banner and said I WAS born this way! I said it loudly out loud too loud I suppose as an older women passed by and said “...you bet sweet heart and so was I!”

Earlier today, I was reading some news headlines and happened upon a sad story coming from North Carolina in which the local KKK was announcing a white’s only welcome rally. The group felt powerful enough to flex its muscle now that the state of North Carolina has placed a segregated amendment on its constitution banning homosexual North Carolinians  from marrying. The rally is to keep anyone not white from enjoying any constitutional rights as the racist leaders stated, just as God had intended. And in the name of God, Parishioners at North Carolina's Providence Road Baptist Church have come to the defense of Pastor Charles L. Worley, days after video footage of him delivering a viciously homophobic sermon went viral in the blogosphere.  Some of the Christian comments espoused by the Christian men and women in that congregation went like this: The Bible says they are worthy of death. He only preaches the word...God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Adds member Stacey Pritchard: "Sometimes you’ve got to be scared straight. He is trying to save those people from going to hell." (Huff Post)

And then I realized all of those people, the Klansmen, the Pastor, the Parishioners who hated the Gay or the non white were NOT BORN THAT WAY. But, that somehow, during their maligned, meaningless, moron lives decided to BECOME THAT WAY; you know racist, homophobic, negative and full of blame toward others for their own failures. I realized being BORN THAT WAY is being born of innocence a natural set of circumstances. Being BORN THAT WAY is what God intended. But NOT BORN THAT WAY choosing to BE THAT WAY is an intentional malignancy, full of dangerous and delusional chemicals always set to explode and implode your soul. It is not from God, but taught by mere mortals.

I am Gay it took me 37 years to realize that all the hesitation, doubt, and denial was a useless waste of years. I am Gay and was from inception and as much as I had wished differently for far too long, it would be thank goodness to no avail. Damn, I was BORN THAT WAY...hurrah!

Those who wear white robes and white masks, those who praise Jesus for all he hates, those who fear their vulnerabilities while chastising anyone else’s successes, those who leaned hate and bigotry from their parents, or their churches or their family and friends were not BORN THAT WAY, but learned how to to BE THAT WAY. The work of the Devil I tell you!

sarah, out from under the rock

So sad, Sister Sarah, as you hide in the cobwebs of FOX News you bravely holler your holier than thou harangues against President Obama. Hidden from real people you shout from your pulpit of hate, lies and fable never filled with a positive message, but always on the attack. You use words like you want this president to be vetted, something God knows most of America wished the McCain team had spent more time on your disingenuous background. You love to shout fire in a theater as you boldly hold the box of matches in your hand.

What kind of an American are you, Sister Sarah, REALLY!!!! You love to divide the we from you, promise hypocrisy in every hyperbole you utter, and blame your flaws on anyone but you. Truth is lectured by you but you never seem to live by it. Honest is proclaimed in the same breath you use to pray to your Lord, but Lord knows the last thing you aspire to is being honest.

And like a zombie, Sister Sarah you are back from the dead walking the Earth and infecting those you touch with a virus so hard to eradicate. Seizing on the inane, insane and imbeciles lack of conscience you linger like a lost lover never excepting the fact that no one really loves you. But you are sure if you disrupt enough lives, you will be noticed once again.

I thought I had finished my repulsive responses from your tirades based only on bias, bigotry and bogus. I thought even YOU had some kind of self understanding to shut up and just pretend to author books. I thought the lack of creatives at Lifetime had another bull shit reality show scripted for you. I thought maybe you were actually going to be a full time mother for your children, (you know the ones you have preached racism, and homophobia to.)

But gee whiz, by golly, your claws have been sharpened, and the moron waiting to hate the next best thing awaits your vile vomit. Pleased by the peasant’s gullible ways, you pretend to be the everywoman, but only those blinded by rage can see you. And you know that this emperor has no clothes so you never tread anywhere but in the land of ignorance, bully and sheer sinister. 

Damn Sister Sarah, you have found a way from hiding under the rock in which we had a few months less of bullshit. You have climbed out of the garbage pit you were spending your millions of dollars from writing your books, acting in your reality series. And now you have once again begun to turn the milk sour, the bred to mold, the tumor cancerous, and facts into a piece of fiction no science fiction writer could ever compile.

If America was only like the nation you pretend it to be then people like you would be sent to some foreign shore so no one would be contaminated by your foolishness.

Please Sister Sarah, climb back under your rock.

i have had it

I have had it as too many people who say they believe in God, are religious, promote the love of a higher power remain silent as too many others misalign, misrepresent, misinterpret some kind of God more interested in punishment then love. When churches receiving tax exemption play politics. When destroying lives, as so many pedophile priests have done, is ignored or dismissed by the Pope, while building families via same-sex marriage or adoption is terrorized by the Catholic leadership. 

I have had it when I hear people insist this election is just about the economy or jobs, when human rights, civil rights, basic rights are being destroyed and denied.  When other then dealing with the economy state legislatures delve into who I marry, how I have sex, how I tend to my own body. When government is too big to require you to pay a fair share in taxes, but not big enough to invade your home. When MY interpretation of God is the only legitimate interpretation, and oh yeah when the Bible somehow trumps the Constitution. 

I have had it when Gay bashing is part of a political strategy, to influence the haters to continue their unabated homophobia. I have had it when winning a primary is based on how many people you can make the enemy. When those who are a bigot get all bent out of shape because you are calling them on their shit. When fighting for Constitutional rights is referred to as a divergent or deterrent from the real issues. I have had it when civil rights are not the REAL issues.

I have had when the silence from the educated, informed, fair minded is so deafening in response to the hurricane winds howling from those who love to lie for God, use God as a scapegoat. I have had with the torments and tirades from false prophets sitting in the Capital or standing at their pulpits who spew poison: 

Charles L. Worley of Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C., condemns President Obama's much publicized endorsement of same-sex marriage while calling for gays and lesbians to be put in an electrified pen and ultimately killed off.

"Build a great, big, large fence -- 150 or 100 mile long -- put all the lesbians in there," Worley suggests. He continues: "Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can't get out...and you know what, in a few years, they'll die out...do you know why? They can't reproduce!"

The pastor's comments seem in line with statements made by Ron Baity, founding pastor of Berean Baptist Church in Winston-Salem and head of the anti-marriage equality organization Return America, who told his own congregation that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people should be prosecuted as they were historically and Pastor Sean Harris of the Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville who advocated parents should “punch” their male child if he is effeminate and "crack that wrist" if he is limp-wristed. (Huff Post)

I have had when I am being prosecuted, insulted, threatened by groups of people who don’t know me, have no idea who I am and think their God somehow loves the hate they vomit. I have had it that there is NOT a greater hue and cry from ALL Americans who do believe in fair, freedom and equality. I have had it trying to turn the other cheek, live and let live, letting the division between church and state die. I have it when we permit heretics to think they and only they have God’s ear.

I would hope and wish that anyone who has a son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend who is Gay that they HAVE HAD IT also; with the ranting, ridicule, religion gone bad, and those claiming to be religious gone worse.

Haven’t we permitted hate to linger a day too long?

magic music

I enjoy making dinner. It is an action I learned from my mother who could bake, cook and prepare meals for one or a million. She added her love to every meal and the pleasure on her face when the ooh’s and ahh’s ran rampant still is embedded in my mind. It is a memory, I cherish and embrace.

Last night was a Saturday night at home after Joe and I explored yet one more canyon in Malibu. We hiked a high road and witnessed mountains, valleys, peaks and pieces of nature that made us both stop and wonder just how majestic our Earth is. (More memories added in a lifetime together). So after a long day out we decided to stay home, have a home cooked meal with a few glasses of wine and just enjoy each other’s company.

When I cook I need to have some music playing in the background. Soothing music somehow for me digs deep and preparing dinner becomes that much more pleasurable. I have a playlist tilted Magic on my I-Pod. It is a culmination of music that when I first heard it brought with it moments and memories of change, decision, clarity as well as emotions from loud to soft, big to small, pleasure and pain. (Of course like many of us while that music was playing then I had no idea the impact it had on my life at the moment).

So as the daylight lingered a little longer keeping the dusk from enveloping our kitchen, and this soft orange light in the sky bathed the front of our house, I thought, “... it was a magical day, this end of day is almost like a scene from a movie, why not keep the theme and play my magic and recall memories.

The good news for me is that the Magic Playlist elicits sometimes forgotten experiences and the people in my life who made those moments happen. The bad news is this Playlist is a serious collection of comedy and tragedy all at once. So as my social work friends used to say, this was a “Yeah, Boo” scenario. And as I was preparing our seafood delight, I was deep in thought about THEN as I am here I am NOW.

Perhaps the wine, the delight in cooking, my man next to me, but a bittersweet melancholy began to cover me and I began to wonder and consider. As the music played I wondered if I had not taken the chances, risks or did not avoid the opportunities  

afforded me  THEN, would I be standing here now even knowing what I missed or attempted? Music blared announcing the first time I fell in love, the moment of the birth of my two kids, the first job interview, the first rejection from a job, my awareness of being Gay, my pronouncement out loud of being Gay, my career decision, my wishing I had not become a communal worker but had instead traveled to Broadway. The list of what if, if I hadn’t, how come I did or didn’t blasted in my brain like shards of fire works on the Fourth of July. And with each note and harmony faces of people from my past showcased as if they were standing next me. Some were perfectly clear, others sadly had a bit of mist or fog surrounding them and I wanted so much to see them as I had met them.

Memories of the past have always played an important role in my present state of mind motivated by the music either background sounds or profound symphonies.  I hear a song, I immediately remember the good, the bad, the ugly, the delight and the cast of characters in starring roles or extras on the set. The music is on a reel that is a continuum bumpy at times and the beat is erratic, but it plays.

And last night after climbing hills that led to mountains to the sky, walking through valleys endless in grasses, rocks and trees, I wondered about life, my life. I tried to understand how grand my life is and has been, or how minute my living was or is. And I wondered why even collect memories of a part of your life you can never repeat. Why not only listen to new music. I was happy/sad.

And then sitting next to me ready to share dinner, I looked and saw Joe, kissed him and THEN faded away because NOW was was counted.

I hope the day will be a lighter highway

For friends are found on every road

Can you ever think of any better way

For the lost and weary travellers to go

Making friends for the world to see

Let the people know you got what you need

With a friend at hand you will see the light

If your friends are there then everything's all right (“Friends”, Elton John, and Bernie Taupin)