for rena and meercy

Happy Mother’s Day to an honest Mom. Giving birth is not reason to be celebrated on this day unless along with that labor came unconditional love for that baby, then and forever.

I had struggled with my homosexuality for as long as I could remember. My realization that something about me was different than the people I called family or friends, had no name; until I heard the derogatory names being called toward people who seemed to be like me. In a most awful moment, one I called self preservation, I knew their was a name for what I was and it seemed that everyone around me disapproved of it.

So I decided it was my secret and maybe if I prayed enough or behaved enough it would go away. And in that sick period of time I was miserable. 

When I found my self esteem, when I discovered that it was okay to be a homosexual a weight of pain and anguish was removed and I actually could breathe. But I knew I would actually breathe easier and deeper if I told my Mother, Rena. 

There had been no reason except my own laying of shame on me to not tell my Mother. Yet the fear of the unknown was so great that even knowing her love for me was a given, I hesitated to admit out loud to her the words I had FINALLY said to myself.

My Mother had a sister Meercy. My Aunt could not conceive and had no children of her own. So growing up, my three sisters and I were surrogate kids for my Aunt, and for me, she was like a second Mother. I decided to tell both Mother’s I was  Gay. (By the time I could admit who I was the flavor of the month was the term ‘Gay’). 

Both my Mother and Aunt were and are hard of hearing (my Mother passed many years ago and my Aunt is 94), so sitting in my Mother’s apartment in her living room I had to speak very loud for either lady to hear me. So, now I was about to share a secret I kept so silent for so long in my BIG voice. The only way I knew to release my secret was to say it in one simple sentence. “Ma, Aunt Meercy I am a Gay man.” I thought I had said it loud enough for the both to hear it, but it was my Aunt who sitting closer to me who heard my coming out sentence. She got up kissed me, and said  how long have you known and if it was even a day before today I am sad you could not tell us sooner...” My Mother had not heard my sentence and was very jealous of my Aunt’s love for me and that my Aunt was now embracing me. My Mother thought I had said I am enjoying this day. My Mother stood by me and said ,”...what is going on...”

My Aunt with tears running down her eyes turned to my Mother and said, Gerry is a Gay man and he has told us his secret. My Mother looked at me and said the following things, “...are you happy, you know you are loved no matter what, and you are my son and I love you...”

The three of us participated a group hung, then separate hugs from my Mother then my Aunt, and for the next 7 minutes as my head pounded my heart beat fast, we cried and I was told by both ladies, “...never, ever, ever keep a secret from people who love you...you are more then just one thing and you are greater than anything you might consider as bad...our love for you is unconditional, so don’t place any self imposed conditions on it...” And that was that!

I listen as groups called Million Mom’s decry Gays and Lesbians, I watch in amazement as Born Again Evangelical Mom’s think their homosexual kids are full of the Devil. I read where Church of Latter Day Saints Mom’s would rather their Gay son or Lesbian daughter leave the home then be loved. I witness Orthodox Jewish Mother’s sit ‘shiva’, (a ceremony for the dead), when their kids come out. For these Mom’s and mothers like that the celebration of Mother’s Day does not include any of them. They went through the pains of child birth and like the afterbirth seemed to discard part of their creation. They are women who had children and because there is not other word to define them called Mothers. 

I miss my Mother Rena everyday, and am so grateful my Aunt Meercy is still alive. Both women have demonstrated values, actions, and standards of what motherhood should be all about. This Mother Day’s celebration is for women like them and not for the female who abandons her her child because among the many virtues of their children’s lives one of those virtues is being Gay.