And ever since our arrival in June until this Friday, July 24th, I have experienced nature at its finest, beauty blossoming beyond belief, sunsets and sunrises breath taking and awesome, and aromas from the bay and ocean delectable and delicious.
But some how along the path to an amazing summer a few kinks in the wonderfully gift wrapped world in which I am privy to participate have seeped into the armor and they are frustrating, foolish and and creepy enough for me to need to vent.
Each weekend in P-Town so it seems is another round of themes and special events geared to a variety of different demographics mainly within the LGBT community. Interesting how a subset of communities can have their own subsets, all with their own special demarcations, masquerades, costumes and facades.
Fourth of July weekend brought us the "circuit boys". A band of mainly muscled up, gym fed, no body fat, pretty boys, each a perfect specimen of male in their own right( or is it their own mind?) I was warned that the atmosphere in P-Town would get stale early on, as the "circuit boys" had thick attitude to match their even thicker muscle.
But I grow tired of lumping everyone into the same batter and hope that a smattering or a smidgen of unhappy, ego deprived, self indulged personalities do not all "circuit boys", make.
But through the Fourth of July weekend I did notice (from the two jobs I am employed at, so I got to deal with the public almost everyday), that on occasion some boys who have been told by their admiring fans either the ones looking back at them from the mirror or the chosen who get a glimpse or a chance to communicate with them, did exhibit a behavior which was if anything SAD, SORRY, and a bit SICKENING.
Seems there is a burden to being too muscled or too handsome or too manicured or tailored. And the "circuit boys", being afraid that if they are not always with others who look, feel, taste the same as they do are just invisible an become "unmentionables".
I can recall having to lower my head to meet the eyeballs of my customers just to say hello, or ask if I could help them, or even let them know that I acknowledged they were in my store. Had to learn to create a look which said, I ONLY WANT TO ASSIST YOU while shopping here or working out. I DO NOT CRAVE YOUR BODY NOR WANT TO HAVE SEX! My hello is what many normal people do to communicate.
Following the "circuit boy" adventure was "Bear" week. A time for men of mirth and girth, chest hair and bulging bellies, polar, cub, grizzly or muscle. A week to toast the non hibernation habits of men who liked men mainly in triple sizes.
It seemed however that with size of waist or bigger beef, or paunches and no perfume came an awful amount of attitude and arrogance if in fact you were too fit, or too pumped or too coiffed. And once again if you did not fit the mold you were not noticed. You were scoffed at for caring too much about your 31 inch waist or your medium t shirt. And eye contact or a smile or even a glimpse of notification became an arduous and achy approach.
This week is Girl Splash. A series of events for women to enjoy the company of other women, allowing Lesbians to enjoy the sites and sounds, bars and grilles, sand and surf of P-Town which is usually a male dominated territory.
And once again I felt like Alice in her first experience in Wonderland. I was an intruder for many women, an outcast who happened to have two balls instead of two breasts. A dreaded man who for some ladies must have represented some dreaded male figure in their past. And I was once again ignored and invisible in both the store and gym where I am employed.
Try as I might to say hello, or may I help you, I was thwarted by the down turned head, or the annoying whisper of one woman to another saying, ignore him. And in spite of the need to ignore I tried to purcevere and at least let the women know I cared and I was after all employed to help and assist.
And then after each week of theme in Provincetown, I read news articles about the heterosexual community, rudely dismissing LGBT individuals, or leaders of the religious right demeaning and degrading homosexuals, John and Sally Doe dismissing their "fag", or "dyke" neighbors or friends or family as misfits and mutants. And I get angry and fight back as best I can in a blog or two.
I am not sure if my angst and anger however is geared to the right people for the wrong they do. Seems we in our own community need some fine tuning as to equality and respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there will always be prettier and younger, men and women, butcher and more fem. There will always be those who intimidate us because they possess something we think we should have or be given. And there will always be those who are so insecure that anyone different than they is scary and need to be punished by us because they happen to have what we think we deserve.
But how can we as an LGBT community expect to gain, recognition, honor and respect if we need to alienate people who share the same experiences and the same prejudices. How can some women ignore men, how can some pretty people think that beauty is the source of strength, and can some larger people think small does not hold the power and prestige but in a tinier version.
Provincetown is a magical place and a place which is unique and sweet. Seems it is a mecca for the LGBT community, and I would hope when coming to mecca one can realize the potential and the pluses and no longer sip the poison making them devoid of the passion.
Jackie DeShannon made a song very popular, "Put a Little Love in Your Heart". The lyrics talk about making this world a better place, by putting some love in your heart. Seems we as a perceived minority of misfits by many need to practice what we preach in putting forth a little more love from our hearts to one another.
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