other side of NO

My Grandma Buncher was in my life a very short period of time. She passed when I was 8. She was a practical woman perhaps for her generation a modern woman as she was very culturally hip/aware and was born in the United States (she used to say some European Jews never quite unpacked all their baggage when they landed at Ellis Island.) She was a female who stood her ground and would have very little to do with the supposedly male dominated world of the 50’s (she would often time tell her grandchildren, men know they should wear two socks because they know they have two feet, but ask them to find their socks in the first place and most likely if they have to look on their own they will go barefoot). She considered herself a practical woman but always added being practical means “you always can find what is on the other side of no.” I quite never understood what she meant about the other side of no. I thought NO meant NO and there was not another side. When I was about 7, old enough to be considered more then a little kid but cute enough to not be a brat I remember having a discussion with my Grandma Buncher about finding the other side of NO. “Gerry”, she would chirp, “it is very simple.” “When someone says no they do so because they have nothing else to add. They become lazy, often times mean spirited and would rather walk away from finding a solution then resolving it.” Most people become submissive when they are told no and become dumber then the person who originally said no.” Push them hard, she would say as she pointed her index finger in the air as if talking to God, “and simply ask them what is on the other side of no.” “The other side of no may not be yes, but it is a place with whole lot more options.”

Living in America in the past half dozen years, as a citizen it seems a lot of NO has been bandied about. NO, seems to be an easy reply for change, equality and freedoms. NO, seems to be the response at the ready to fall off the tongue of politicians, pundents and people who would prefer to walk away from a solution then remedy it. In the current atmosphere in which I live I more and more hear my Grandma Buncher saying to me you should find what is on the other side of NO. The Republican/Tea Party clan say NO to health care, NO to Gay rights, NO to immigration, NO to a fair minimum wage, NO to equal pay for equal work for women, NO to reproductive rights. Not one time do these men and women even venture past saying no and hardly ever are challenged or asked well then what is on the other side of NO. I am even more amazed that no one asks them well then, what is on the other side of your no. It seems there is never a yes or a plan or even a compromise. Many Americans just settle passively in their own cocoons permitting the people of NO to control the conversation.

The more aware I have become of my responsibility in this world, my ability to make anything from a modest to meaningful change in this world, my capabilities to be a part of the solution; the more I want to know what is on the other side of NO. My Grandma Buncher also would say, “it is an argument when all you hear is NO, but a conversation when you ask what is on the other side of NO.” Isn’t it time we all began asking…