from one boy

It was Valentines Day celebration in Mrs Langer’s second grade classroom at Linden Elementary School in Pittsburgh. The day before all the kids decorated their shoe boxes into Valentine’s art in preparation for the big day when everyone would walk around and place Valentine cards in the boxes for the entire class. Mrs. Langer actually would bake a cake and encouraged any mom to provide other snacks. Mrs. Langer also used Valentines Day as a lesson plan as she had each student read at least one Valentine out loud along with the greetings etched on the tiny multi-colored pieces of heart candy.

In second grade, it was perfectly fine for a boy to send another boy a “Will You Be My Valentine”, or “I Want You To Be My Valentine” greeting. There was no second guessing as to what that meant, or any supposition that boys asking other boys to be their Valentine was creepy or un-Christian like or for the 98% of Jewish kids in my classroom un-Jewish like.

In third grade, Valentines Day was still celebrated but it was the beginning of the reality that boys didn’t send other boys Valentines, unless the valentines had athletes on it instead of Cupids, and if the card just said Happy Valentines Day. The rules that the fairest of actions that all kids received cards ended (the concept of popularity began) and only about 10 minutes at the end of the homeroom period was provided for the distribution of the cards. Also, there was a lot less boys decorating a shoe box in the third grade.

It was only the third grade but the lesson about gender roles, accepted gender behavior, gender discrimination were being taught and you needed to study hard because the consequences of ignoring those lessons had some grave results. Suddenly within one year it was “queer” for a boy to send another boy a Valentines card. Suddenly within one year snickers and laughs erupted if any boy handed out any kind of Valentines card with too many hearts on it. And suddenly it was very clear that boys were expected to have a different kind of relationship between one another and sending a Valentines card was a prelude to being a homo!

It was no longer just Valentines Day, while in the third grade, but the beginning of a journey traveling through perceived social norms, visiting subjective social pressures, and entering into the world homophobia. Teach people at a young age to seek out what might be different, and once recognized teach them to fear, loath and hate it and the people who identify with it.

It is Valentines Day and I am now out of Linden School for over 45 years but I still witness some around me who still don’t understand that boys can send boys Valentine cards that say “Be My Valentine”, “You Are My Valentine”, and “I Love You on Valentines Day”. I watch as the Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie is planning to veto his states legislature who passed a bill stating that same sex marriage should be approved because it is matter of civil rights. He refuses to place civil rights above his own selfish need to eventually run for president not ever wanting to look weak on hating the homo’s, but look big on hate and that old time harbinger of hate, old time religion. The Governor must of been one of those boys when in the third grade never, ever sent another boy any kind of frilly, pink heart filled Valentines card.

I remember the safety of Mrs. Langer’s second grade classroom and the freedom to express ourselves as we each saw fit. Those were the days. But now these are the days and I can openly, proudly and lovingly say out loud, Joe, my partner, my friend, the love of my life I am glad you are my Valentine. I love you now and forever. Happy Valentines Day from one boy to another.