Benny B

“…You’ve got to do what you feel is right, not hope for anything in return, just do it because it makes you feel good, and perhaps the favor you provide for others will be returned or not…” Howard (Benny) Buncher, circa 1957-1963

My Dad was a Sergeant of police in the Pittsburgh neighborhood of Squirrel Hill. We lived in a very affluent part of town, and the majority of people living in Squirrel Hill were Jewish, and a majority of them were quite wealthy. We were not.

As the Sergeant of Station #11, my father was at the seat of where the buck stopped both for the police making an arrest and the citizen being arrested or at least charged from anything to a parking ticket, DUI, or worse. It was the late 50’s early 60’s and times were less computerized and a bit more humanized.

My Dad grew up in the Shadyside neighborhood in the teens of the 1900’s. His family was the only Jewish family in that neighborhood at the time and lived there because my Grandfather owned and operated a tailor shop a few blocks from their home. My Dad’s name was Howard but his father’s name was Benjamin, so all the kids assumed that the eldest son would be named after his own dad, thus the nickname Benny.

My father, was a great athlete and even though he was respected for his sports acumen, he was still considered a Jew, and when he beat a non Jewish jock in basketball or football it was too much for many kids in the neighborhood to consider that someone as low life as a Jew was better than them. My Dad was harassed, humiliated and hounded because he was considered different.

As in many lives, when we are young we aspire to goals and dreams we so much want to have come to fruition. My Dad wanted to be a football or basketball coach. Coming from a very orthodox Jewish family, his parents would not entertain even a bit of his dream and insisted a nice Jewish boy become a nice Jewish doctor.

Long story short, my Dad said no to doctorhood, and rebelled by joining the Army, then the Navy, and then the Pittsburgh Police Department. He became a fixture in Squirrel Hill, one of only 6 Jewish Cops at the time, and became a very important man for those Jewish individuals living in Pittsburgh who had run-ins with the law. My Dad helped many people find a way out from their parking tickets, domestic disputes, or young kids being found DUI. (The favors my Dad performed were many and most, but seldom and few were ever given back to him.) Thanks and if you ever need for anything were always exchanged, but actual actions hard to come by. My father knew he had the power to help but often there was little glory that followed. Until later in his life did he ever mutter out loud were his actions worth the results?

“…People are selfish, and care about the moment and nothing beyond that. If you want to help people, Gerry, do so but know the only thing you will get in return is an empty response...” Howard (Benny) Buncher circa 1972.

I wonder how and why we all behave, interact, inspire and participate in the lives around us. Are we altruistic, in how we treat others? Are we expecting something in turn as great as the gift we just gave another human? Is it human nature to treat others as we would prefer others to treat us, or is it human consumption to take from others and leave nothing but crumbs? In the midst of a crisis do we only take what others give and once out of the fire or on dry land walk away thinking we deserved the help?

My dad struggled with wanting to do what he considered the right thing and I believe as he grew older struggled with his motivations in trying to do the right thing. Although he debated if any gratitude would come from a heartfelt gesture, he began to think that if the gesture was expected than how could something expected be defined as heartfelt.

The President will be addressing America with his State of the Union address this evening, and it made me wonder when he delivers his speech what approach he might take. Will he be making statements about doing for others as you would want for yourself, will he say any action is truly heartfelt, or will he tire of doing for others knowing he ‘ain’t’ going to get anything in return for his deeds.

I have witnessed this President when he ran for office. I remember how he said he would fight for those who had little power, how as President he would be in a place where Change Could Happen. I have witnessed this President try to make a difference, then be knocked backwards and then renege when his altruism became replaced with politics.

I have seen this President say “…You’ve got to do what you feel is right, not hope for anything in return…” And I have witnessed this President run into obstacles where he must silently admit “…People are selfish, and care about the moment and nothing beyond that…”

Two different men, the President and my Dad, both hero’s in my life, one faced his disillusionments and tried to make it better by helping people, one still wondering how and if he can fix anything at all.

I look forward to finding out upon which road President Obama begins his next journey.