OMG!

OMG:

First Jesus spoke to Scotty Walker and said”go-ith forth, lead the T-Baggers and run for the presidency. And Scotty did. Then a few days ago Jesus spoke to Scotty Walker again and said “I declinith my first speech to you and now find you a lying liar and a man who hates the common laborer so I want you to un-run for president, but become the martyr you were meant to be and not the puppet of the Koch’s and thus saith “I resign so that others can and will triumph over Trump”. And it was good! Second Jesus said-ith to Ben Carson thou must protest evolution, become a doctor but refuse the real science of life. Run-ith for president as the stupid guy. And with little regard for any facts just a whole bunch of fancy Ben ran-it. It was good! Third Jesus spoke to Raphael Cruz in a dream-ith of course, (all the really morally corrupt love them self a Jesus dream) and said-it your son Ted shall be ignorant of the Constitution, be void of the laws of the land of America but is anointed as my prophet build his ego with falsehoods about the world around him and send-ith him to Washington to be-ith the next president. And it was good!

Fourthly Jesus spoke to Uncle Mikey Hickabee, he said-th Uncle Mikey pretend that Joshie Duggar just needs to be born again, then pretend that Kimmy Davis can usurp the the Bible for the Constitution, then insist that Black lives don’t matter and finally your reward along with being a hypocrite, anarchist and racist will be to run-ith for president. And it was good! Fifthly Jesus spoke-ith to Palin about a year ago. Sarah told the wise viewers of FOX that she-ith and God had a conversation HE urging her to consider running for president. (She also said she could see Heaven from her back porch) But Palin added she would wait-ith for a return conversation with Jesus before she throw-ith her moose hunting hat into the race. But then Jesus never called back and it wasn’t good! Sixthly Donald Trump said the Lord (he forgot this guys name) texted him and said-ith lets do a deal. You try and alienate as many people as you can, find and encourage the most hateful and stupid, and I will-ith let you sound like biggest clown of them all. And it was not only good, but the best!

And then the Pope came to town saying words like income inequality, poverty sucks, climate change, and suddenly Walker, Carson, Cruz, Huckabee, Palin and Trump insisted that Jesus really doesn’t talk to anyone!