same but different

While in ninth grade I went out with a girl named Suzie, we dated for about a month. Being in ninth grade as much in love as you might think you are, it was more of an adolescent paramour experience with lots of mushy words and very little else. But Suzie felt after a month of Friday night dates I should meet her mother with whom Suzie had shared some information regarding me.

I lived in a very affluent Jewish neighborhood in Pittsburgh, Squirrel Hill, and last names held sway as to your status in the community. Suzie’s family was owner of a large paper company and some of the upper echelon within Squirrel Hill. My last name is Buncher and my father’s cousins were owners of such things as scrap steel and the property on which the Three Rovers Stadium was built.

I was poor, as my father was policeman, and although we were Bunchers we were the Bunchers from the other side of the track. But the last name of Buncher did open up many doors.

Suzie’s mom a very snobby woman was excited to meet me, and although Suzie and I both were in ninth grade her mom did envision a wedding made from status and one which might produce offspring from a paper company conglomerate and scrap steel. It took about five minutes for Suzie’s mom to ask the right questions hoping to confirm I was the right Buncher from the right part of the Buncher family. My grandfather had a brother Jack who was the original, owner of all the Buncher wealth, and Suzie’s mom asked how my grandfather Jack was feeling. I answered “…my grandfather’s name is Benjamin”. “Who is he”, asked Suzie’s mom? “My grandfather”! “Your grandfather is not Jack” she said. “Nope”! “Are you sure you are a Buncher” she said. “I am” I said, adding “my grandfather owns a tailor shop and my dad is a cop.”

The next day Suzie called with a very cold voice and a brief response saying she wants to date other people and good bye.

There are thousands of Gay men and Lesbians serving in the armed services. They are fighting with the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq risking their lives, doing the work to spread democracy, sharing living quarters, trenches, and field operations with their comrades in arms. Each man and woman is risking life and limb as they work in a cohesive manner with fellow troops and doing a patriot’s job in fighting two wars for this country.

Some homosexual troops are heroes like their heterosexual counterparts; some are unsung heroes like their heterosexual counterparts, and some just grunts doing their jobs like their heterosexual counterparts.

The main difference between the homosexual troops and the heterosexual troops is that the former must lie about who they might want to date or sleep with and the later can openly cheat on their spouses, hire prostitutes, flirt and wink wildly at the opposite sex. But both groups have enlisted to fight for this country, something not all Americans wish or want to do.

For 10 years this nation has been fighting wars, and for 10 years there have been, (under the wishy washy law called ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’), Gays in the military. In the past 10 years no heterosexual man or woman has been raped while showering, no sexual advances have been attempted between the home and the hetero, no Gay porno has been broadcast forcing the hetero community to watch. For 10 years aside from being outed by insecure religious zealots most of the Gays and Lesbians have performed the jobs they enlisted to do.

Now John McCain and his cronies of homophobes fear that by permitting the same group of men and women to serve openly will change all of that. Suddenly those who have held discretion, honor, and professionalism as priorities will hold circuit parties, orgies and same sex gang bangs while dodging bullets and terrorists. Suddenly what was a community of troops will become troops of Gays who sodomize and behave in sinister ways.

The same but different, I am not sure how that works.

I was Gerry Buncher the kid dating Suzie. Suzie had fun with me, we laughed did what ninth graders do. But then I was Gerry Buncher grandson of Benjamin, not Jack the same was now different. Gays and Lesbians serving in the military fighting dying, risking their lives. But when they don’t have to lie and suddenly the moral, the ethics the honor of the armed services will diminish and die... the same changed and now it is different.

Is it that the perceived facts change but the truth is still the same that make a difference? Is it that suppositions have changed so that makes a difference? Is it that bias’s change so that makes a difference? I was the same person, the Gays and Lesbians in the military are the same people, so why the difference?

When do we as a collective move forward, forge ahead face our fears? I am never sure how same but different really works?