wonder of self

I sometimes wallow in my own wonder of self. I find the achievements I made rewarding and am blessed with having people in my life loving and supportive. From my partner Joe to my kids, to friends and family who surround me with unconditional love, I most often fend off the blues and doldrums of my day to day existence. But now and then I linger a little longer looking at how luck seems to laugh at me.

I try with great conviction to do the right thing, and make every conceivable effort to remain conscious of how what I do, or not do, affects those around me-directly or indirectly. In earnest I engage my environment seeking truth and honesty, trying to find solutions to issues or questions about what is right and what is wrong.

I have made great strides in realizing consensus is correct, and blame is blasphemy.

But even knowing and doing and trying all of that I go through a syndrome of woe is me, and why me or why not me.

And I wonder why it seems to me that the “bad guys” are ending up ahead while the unsung heroes seem to be lapsing father and further behind.

The Congress has convened a Special Commission to investigate the 2008 financial collapse. They are currently honing in on top bank executives asking them why and what might have led to devastating consequences in the financial markets.

Some of the questions asked include, why are the same executives and staff of failed banks receiving large bonuses and compensations when many Americans lost their homes, savings and pensions. And what justification do the Banks have in increasing salaries to the Bank employees when the average American taxpayer sees no relief for their own financial struggles?

The executives from Goldman Sachs Group Inc., JPMorgan Chase and Company, Morgan Stanley, and Bank of America all testifying before this Panel, succinctly, and rehearsed and like drones have responded “…we understand the anger felt by many citizens…””we are grateful for the taxpayer assistance we have received…”over the course of the crisis we as an industry caused a lot of damage…” “we regret the consequences that people have lost money from our practices…”

Then the same bunch of Bankers added. “…the vast number of our employees played no role in the economic crisis, and do not deserve to be penalized with lower compensation…”and we will continue to pay people in a responsible and disciplined manner.”

And so without a hint of a true mea culpa, but instead a wave of the hand a wiping of the slate clean, the Wall Street and Banker CEO Gang will move forward. We did wrong, it hurt, we were in our purview of rights to do what we did with your money, and that was yesterday, and we who know what we are doing should be rewarded. This is America. Victims happen!

And the Elected Officials who presided in office during the past 8 years, the ones who did not establish regulations of the Financial Institutions, who received Political Action funds for their campaigns, whose spouses worked for the same Institutions, who were entertained by Lobbyists from the Financial Institutions just look the other way as if their lack of concern, lack of leadership, lack of care had little or nothing to do with the financial crisis in which the Average American was and still is suffering.

Our Elected Officials beat their breasts and say WE have established a bi-partisan panel to get to the root cause of the financial mess. WE will find the villain and well, um, perhaps, maybe scold them. WE will do this in anticipation of the mid year elections, and market the hell out of this. WE will of course never point the fingers to us, but will scrutinize all other evil doers.

And at the end of the day, our pension plan, the value of our homes, our savings will not be replaced, but the CEO’s the Wall Street white collared cast of characters, the Senate and the House of Representatives will go about their business, blaming but never owning. They will continue to receive perks, and bonuses, special compensation, money for re-election. And as is usually the case with American consumers and voters, our Elected Officials will hope that Americans memory will be short circuited and the CEO’s will hope that the Congress is satisfied with money for their political careers, and all will be forgotten.

And as I witness this fiasco, this farce, this shambles of ethics and morals, gluttony and greed, I focus back to my situation in my life. I strive as do millions of Americans to live a life full and promise. I try to do the right thing, and find encouragement from others similar to me. But I wonder why try, why do the right thing, when those who seem to wander through life without self pity, without doubt, without conscience win. Why has luck found them and rewarded them for just thinking about themselves, for selfishness not selflessness?

I sometimes wallow in my self doubt because I am not sure how trying to be my best, be right, be fair measures up to those who just don’t seem to care? When did wrong turn into right?

HMMMMMM!