I can remember a few times when fear and loathing, all relating to the government found a very firm footing in my psyche. I can recall wondering if the world was about to end in a nuclear holocaust, (The Cuban Missile Crisis) if I was to actually go fight in a war in a country, so far away, and previously unheard of,(My draft notice) and I can ruminate over the assignation of a hero, an up and coming savior, and a prophet, always thinking then why are the good guys, the first to die. (JFK, RFK, Dr. King). As I grew older, I became amazed that the trust and power placed into the presidency could so easily be wiped away by a crook, an insecure, demeaning and derelict demented monster, ready to lie to the people to save his career. (Nixon I found myself disillusioned when I thought I discovered another hero, a person I could once again support, who would fight the tough battle, only to find that he was too human and too easily distracted with his own power and used the power of seduction to satisfy his libido and ego (Clinton) I lived through liars, using divide and conquer tactics to retain power, Reagan and W. Two men pretending to be the soul of a nation as long as that nation prayed to the same God as they, cared more about the bottom line of corporations, and never really cared about intelligence, just indulgence.
At 68, I have lived a long life of American politics, and somehow, with each and every rut in the road, or dangerous detour, something happened and the worst did not come to fruition, it lingered and infected the already wounded nation, but managed to not kill America. At 68, I am once again scared, tired, frustrated, filled with angst, so great, I perseverate over and over again as to how we, ALL of US, will overcome, what for me has been a declaration of war by Vladimir Putin, Mitch McConnell, and Donald Trump soared the sanctity and sanity of my country.
I thought I understood that democracy was not perfect, but that in its wealth of offerings, however, it could and should provide for problem-solving in a fairer and more honest way. The whole idea of checks and balances, of laws, of a Constitution, of a standard striving for equality, ALL of that from the past did indeed permit history to be recorded and I thought not repeated. I was wrong and I assumed, which we all understand is NOT a good thing, that justice would once again take the crown. In the 18th century, when people got ill and no one was certain of what that stance malaise was they called it the Vapors. It was a catch-all phrase to describe, the rotting, the aging, the angst, the sheer lack of understanding of SOMETHING IS SO BAD IT AFFECTS MY MENTAL WELL BEING! I don’t understand how the BAD is winning, while the GOOD just seems to be kicked to the side of the road, or worse turned into ROADKILL. I think I have the Vapors and am very depressed regarding the future of this nation!
