doctor, my eyes

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can? (“Doctor My Eyes”, Jackson Browne)

About 800 medical personnel volunteered for several days at the L.A. Sports Arena. They helped about 5,000 patients — just a small fraction of the more than 2 million uninsured people who live in Los Angeles County. (kppc.org)

What is so wrong with all Americans receiving affordable health care? How does providing care for the physical and mental well being of all Americans translate into Republican, Democrat, Socialism, and Capitalism, right or wrong? When did keeping us all alive, well, providing preventive care become so divisive and so anti-American? When did profits over people especially in the arena of health care become more pervasive then the ability of all Americans to live a life without health issues so in turn they could make this nation more profitable?

Why are some candidates running for the office of president so hell bent on eliminating any inroads for universal health care but seem so much more concerned with the profits and bottom lines of the health cartels? Why is it so easy, seemingly without much consciousness, to state that universal health care is not the American way, but be so effortlessly easy to say business health comes first?

Why is it many of those who espouse “it’s for the kids”, “family values” calling themselves “Conservative Christians”, seem to ignore sick kids, parents burdened with either paying for food or paying for insurance, families tortured with the aspect of going through life with ailments and illness that with a little bit of financial assistance could be eliminated? When did this nation decide if you can’t afford health care maybe you really never deserved it? When did this nation decide that all of us were not equated equal when it comes to getting, staying or being healthy? When did this nation decide that health care or lack of health care is even a topic to be discussed for the incoming band of politicians rather than assuming anyone running for a public job naturally wants all of his or her constituents to receive the same kind of health coverage they either get being a public servant or can afford because they are also millionaires?

I understand in the life of a democracy we are entitled to a variety of opinions. I understand debate is healthy and can provide some insight to either side of the issue if you are willing to listen. I understand all of that, but I refuse to understand or comprehend or acknowledge how anyone is against all of us deserving the right to a system of health care that is affordable, reasonable and fair? To me it is not a matter of politics or party alignment but a matter of conscience, you either love thy neighbor or you don’t! That seems to be the only bottom line we can accept.

Doctor, my eyes, tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long

'Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems (“Doctor My Eyes”, Jackson Browne)

raising cain

Herman Cain respects my right as a Gay man to make my choice to be Gay. He told Piers Morgan on his talk show on CNN. According to Mr. Cain Gay people choose being Gay. Now he has no problem with people choosing being Gay so he is not a homophobic, a bigot or a fool, he says, nope he has no problem if you want to choose the Gay thing, but don't expect him to accept the gay thing because after all he is a Christian and everyone like him who believe in the God he believes in don't accept the gay thing anyway. What would Jesus do?

If Mr. Cain were just some dumb man hidden in his CEO office, or some man from a minority who needs someone to be a rung lower in the whole status of society, if he was just one more heterosexual male so insecure in his own maleness that he needs a scapegoat to make him feel more masculine, I might scoff and then move on. But Herman Cain is running for the office of President of the United States and I cannot and will not over look this man's ignorance, homophobia and indefensible use of religion to make hate okay.

I am angry with statements about me about me being a Gay man, about me being considered something less. I am angry because I am proud of all the pieces of me that make me unique among them being Gay. This has to end. And for anyone in the public who is still supporting this homophobic bigot I am angry with you.

I am tired of being the cause of the downfall of morals, the imploding of values, the motivation for anything from financial ruin to the coming of the devil because among many thing in my life I happen to be Gay.

I am tired of the homophobes who still support this man and remain silent as he spews hate, fear and fabrication. I am tired of the news media who accepts his bigotry and not challenge him for being a homophobe. I am tired of someone as ignorant, as insincere, as intolerant running for the office of President in my country where like it or not I demand equal, not separate but equal.

If Mr. Cain was running a Board meeting with his pizza company, if he was sharing fabrications with his co-Christians in a church preaching lies and fable, if he was marching with Fred Phelps the self ordained minister who protests soldiers funerals saying God hates fags, I would cringe, but know this is America and we all have free speech. But this man is running for the highest office in this nation, if elected, has to represent all Americans and this man says I choose to be Gay and he doesn't have to accept that.

Nope, no more. We talk about It Getting Better, No Bullying. Well this man is a bully speaking from a bully pulpit, and it cannot get better if someone like this continues to spread lies, hate and bigotry.

I am equal, not separate but equal and you Mr. Cain deserve to rot in a hell where people like you wallow in your own insecurities and inadequate ruminations based on some hocus pocus religion taught to you by people who are further away from God than anyone else. And for all of the people in this nation who applaud this man may you also rot in your own misery and misdeeds.

This Bull Shit can only survive and thrive as long as the lame, the lemming the loser let it happen. I no longer have room for this and I no longer will tolerate anyone who embraces this archaic and unproven bigotry.

when?

When...

When did this great nation of ours turn into a place permitting potential presidential candidates to stand at a podium of power and demand that poor people are poor because they choose to be poor? Demean unemployed people as lazy seeking meager stipends from the state rather than a wholesome paycheck? Deploying vile and venomous rhetoric defining anyone who wants a fair share of salary, employment, place in this society as not worthy of being an American. And when did this great nation turn into a place where citizens sitting in the audience not only cheered this bile and belittling hate, but applauding it and wanting more?

When?

When did this great nation of ours turn into a place where those who insist they are closer to God, are his chosen spokespeople, his shining light, calling themselves Conservative Christians, Born Again's, Evangelicals decide that any plan to include ALL Americans in an affordable health care plan, universal health care, equal access to all for health care, is anti Christ like, not true democracy, the work of a socialist devil? And when did those who say they are God's flock decide that they, not God should decide who remains healthy and who should die on the vine?

When?

When did this great nation of ours turn into a place willing to elect candidates for the office of president who want abort the The Sarbanes–Oxley Act of 2002 also known as the 'Public Company Accounting Reform and Investor Protection Act' which set new or enhanced standards for all U.S.public company boards, management and public accounting firms. Or rid the legality of the Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act which implements financial regulatory reform because it was not beneficial for the lobbyists and corporations who buy and sell the political futures of these politicians? And when did the regulation of corporations become so UnAmerican even after history has proven left unregulated Corporations and Wall Street will run this nation into economic ruin.

When?

When did this nation of ours turn into a place willing to scapegoat its teachers, police, construction workers blaming them for being greedy because they belong to unions, want fair pay for fair work, expect retirement dollars permitting to live out their lives with a decent standard of living? When did this nation turn into a place callous to the concerns of job security, safe work environments, and instead heed the call of CEO's whose only concern is adding millions to their salaries and benefits?

When?

When did this nation of ours turn into a place more concerned with divide then consensus? Ready to place blame then find solutions? Eager to scapegoat then embrace? More able to alienate then include? And when did this nation accept lies, fabrication, exaggeration as truth as honest, as correct?

When?

When did this great nation of ours begin to define Capitalism as greed, elitism, attainable for those with money and power? When did matters of community become Socialism? When did the rights of the minority equate to class warfare? When did so few wield so much power at the expense of everyone else?

When did we as Americans turn our back on the history that helped us become a great nation? When did we decide that certain deserve to thrive and all the others are guilty of not thriving? When did we decide it was better to blame then solve, better to belittle then believe, better to back away from issues and deny problems exist? When did our political system become so broke that only those wealthy enough to buy a politician decide the laws and governance of this nation in which we live?

When?

And when will become too late too little to turn all of this evil, anger, vengeance around? When?

i am tired

Cain spent last week campaigning in Tennessee, and at multiple stops throughout the state, he talked about building a barbed wire electric fence that could kill those who tried to climb it to enter the country illegally. The line drew raucous applause from Tea Party crowds during at least two of his stops in the Volunteer State.

In Cookeville, TN, on Saturday, Cain even went on to defend the idea of a deadly fence against those who feel it is inhuman. “I get criticized. ‘Mr. Cain, that’s insensitive.’ What do you mean insensitive?” he asked the crowd. “What’s insensitive is when they come to the United States across our border and kill our citizens, and kill our border patrol people.”

He repeated his support for the idea a few hours later at his next stop in Harriman.

But when pressed about the fence yesterday by NBC's David Gregory, the former Godfather's Pizza CEO said it was all in jest. “That's a joke,” Cain said. “I've also said America needs to get a sense of humor.” (msnbc.com)

I am tired of politicians creating devious plans for those they love to scapegoat, only to be caught in the act of plotting and then laughing their way out of it acting shocked that anyone took them seriously. I am tired of spewing hate, hateful actions, and then when normal people with a conscience discover your inhuman behavior, I am tired of the copout used to explain your behavior.

I am tired of National Coming Out Day, or any day when a Gay individual feels it necessary to come out. Come out from what? Why do we have come out at all? I was Gay, I am still Gay, I will always be Gay. Do I have to come out to please someone else? Do I have to come out to ease your curiosity? Do I have to come out because society preferred I stayed in?

I am tired of Capitalism being based on greed and gluttony. I am tired of being told by corporations that they cannot hire anyone until restrictions, regulations are all removed, giving them free reign to do as they seem fit for their bottom line. I am tired of the wealthy not paying their fair share of taxes while I continue to pay mine to pay for the democracy of America.

I am tired of being told that universal health care is socialism by a group of people who say they are Christian Conservatives. I am tired of being told by Christian Conservatives that human rights, women's rights, health care for all, are the sign of the devil. I am tired of some people claiming they invented God and they know exactly how he/she thinks.

I am tired of being lectured at that if you are unemployed it is your fault. I am tired of being scolded by ignorant idiots that a fair wage for the middle class is the ruination of America and that the founding fathers never intended for all people to live a good life.

I am tired of talking heads, in suits making six figure salaries, sitting in think tanks, removed from the everyday life of most Americans, pontificating on my life as if anything I do, live, think as anything in common with their life.

I am tired of politicians doing nothing but waiting and wasting time in figuring out how to compromise. I am tired of an election system based on private money from wealthy donors and wealthier corporations. I am tired of Lobbyists being listened to while my needs my desires my dreams go unnoticed. I am tired of corporations considered people, while real people are considered menial and meaningless.

And I am tired of the lemmings, the bigoted, the dumb, the biased, the uneducated, the religious zealots, those looking for blame and scapegoats letting this nation be run by politicians whose only goal in life is to keep themselves in power and no matter the cost to this nation and the citizens of this nation.

I am tired of sitting by as the inmates run the asylum.

hold your head...high?

And if it's bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can take it

Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high

And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes on you moving
And if they shout
Don't let them change a thing what you're doing

Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high Argent
Hold Your Head Up

In the state of Ohio it was decided by a few banks that hold the deeds to homes whose owners either can not afford to pay their monthly totals on their mortgages or those who are delinquent in paying their mortgages, to level to the ground of the afore mentioned homes. It was decided to tear down the homes by people who make at least a six figure income, have a steady paying job, who have no problem in paying their mortgage, health insurance, tuition for college that destroying the physical structure is a true interpretation of Capitalism. It cost too much money to keep the house unoccupied, it coast too much to try and find a compromise for the owner to pay a small sum so he or she would be one less homeless person, and it was priceless to get rid of the mess rather than try and fix it. God bless the bottom line and God Bless the United States of America!

The state of Florida has passed a law that insists if you are on the dole, need any assistance from the state because you are on the poverty line or below, need unemployment insurance, need any medical attention and can’t afford to pay for it yourself because you are broke, then you must also be a drug addict. Poverty, unemployment is your fault so assumes the Florida Governor and legislature and all of that must be due to the fact that you are a drug addict. So before you can receive any money from the taxpayers you must spend tax payer money and take a drug test. Those in need have and the findings are not what the Governor nor the Legislature hoped to find, poverty, and unemployment do not equate to drug use. Wonder if Jesus gave the lepers a drug test before he assisted them? God Bless Christian Conservative Values and God Bless the United States of America!

Currently 27 states have a law that states if an employee is found to be a homosexual he or she can be fired immediately from the workplace. 27 states have continued to state that homosexuality is not compatible to professionalism, it adds to poor work ethics, and it is so awful it must be kept in that closet invented by insecure and inadequate heterosexuals. You can openly be on your third marriage, an alcoholic, an adulterer, but if your Allen and you love Alex you are undermining the bottom-line and productivity and that is not going to be tolerated. 27 states have disregard for their citizenry, base their laws on some archaic and misshapen view of a biased and bigoted religion, and care less about the quality of life for anyone who wants to express who they are out loud. God Bless those small minded, self loathing assholes, and God Bless the United States of America.

And if it's bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can take it

Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high Argent
Hold Your Head Up

If you are unemployed, poor, down on your luck, a member of the LGBT community, need health insurance, wanting to retire but can’t afford it, wanting to make a decent wage you are told by political leaders of this nation, spurred on by insecure CEO’s of most to many religious corporations, paid for by millionaires living in some glass palace upon some entombed hill that the curse of your life is only the fault of you not trying hard enough, being lazy, weak or Un-American. If you ask for a fair share, you are told that God will frown upon you, that you are a socialist, that the Constitution never guaranteed you that right, and that who the fuck do you think you are!

No matter how minor the articulation or how major the argument, those in power want to keep that power and they want anyone else to be diminished in stature and status. We have become a nation of shaming, blaming and scheming. We have become a nation that would rather point fingers away, find a scapegoat, deny any responsibility rather than find cause, fix it and then come to consensus. And it seems in the past two years many of us have permitted all that negativity to come to fruition.

For everyone else those still with a heart, a conscience and who truly believe in a just God, we must fight back hard, fight back now and fight back with the same force that has been used to keep many to most of us down.

Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high Argent
Hold Your Head Up

science blinded

It's poetry in motion
And now she's making love to me
The spheres're in commotion
The elements in harmony
She blinded me with science
"She blinded me with science!"
And hit me with technology. (“She Blinded Me with Science”, Thomas Dolby)

One of Florida's largest counties will stop adding fluoride to the water supply before the end of the year, commissioners decided this week, in a move that some opponents say was influenced more by tea party propaganda than it was by health or financial considerations.

"We're going to pay a price for this for generations to come," Ken Welch, the commissioner, said,reported USA Today, adding that activists "hijacked" the conversation. (msnbc.com)

It is just Fluoride, right? No big deal that form over 70 years a majority of cities in this nation have been adding it to their water to help stop people from getting cavities. No big deal that the American Dental Association has done the research and the studies proving that the addition of fluoride to water is the cheapest and best way to keep people from developing cavities and thus helping their dental hygiene. Its just science right? But then science was created by proponents of big government to keep government big and intrusive in our lives. It is just politics and governing has little to do with fact or fair but more with fiction and fear and oh yeah staying in office.

The medical community issued swift criticism Tuesday after Rep. Michele Bachmann dragged the safety of the human virus papillommavirus(HPV) into the political spotlight, reigniting the controversy over the risks and necessity of vaccinating children.

"A mother told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter," Bachmann said. "There is no second chance for these little girls if there is any dangerous consequences to their bodies." (abc news)

It is just the HPV vaccine, right? There is absolutely no scientific validity to this statement. Since the vaccine has been introduced, more than 35 million doses have been administered, and it has an excellent safety record." It is just science, right? But then science was created by proponents of a big government who like to poke you prod you and perform all kinds of experiments on you to keep you docile and a clone and keep you from running away from big government. It is just politics, right? And so what if it keeps you from making a sensible choice in the health and safety of you or your kids. And what do politicians have to with the quality of your life as long as the quality of their career keeps flourishing.

Yesterday, Rick Perry commented "in Texas we teach both creationism and evolution in our public schools, because I figured you're smart enough to figure out which one is right." It is just creationism, right? The U.S. Supreme Court has said that teaching creationism in public schools is unconstitutional because it amounts to the endorsement of religion…This, of course, assumes that creationism is "another theory," a position rejected by the scientific community and implicitly rejected by the science standards themselves (which state clearly that theories must rely on "natural" explanations, not supernatural phenomena like divine creation). (politifact).

It is just science right? But then science demands facts, sources standards it looks at the core not the emotion, the substance not the fluff, the reality not the ruminations. It permits big government to take God out of our classrooms to endorse non dogmatic thinking, permits brainwashing away from all things holy. It is just politics, right? And so what if it keeps you from understanding the world in which we all live and share a life. So what if it stops you from experimenting, asking seeking. So what if it makes you travel down a road leading to only a dead end. I can still pursue my road and leave you behind.

It is just America 2011 where fact is useless; fear is rampant, conjecture primary and denial potent. It is just American politics 2011 where religion is high jacked, truth sabotaged, honesty ignored, and insincerity prevalent. It is just Americans in 2011 where the fringe is an accepted norm, science a taboo, insincerity a priority and disregard for any standards or norm accepted. It is all of that and a scary reminder to all of us who really care how contempt, paranoia, and hate may prevail leading us to an America in 2012 of chaos and confusion. It is just the way of the world, right? Science blinds when it shed an honest light on the world.

coming out day

It was a day in my life that even today, I remember as if it just happened a few minutes ago.

The bar was located on the corner of Craig Street and Forbes Avenue in the Oakland neighborhood of Pittsburgh. This neighborhood housed the University of Pittsburgh and butted against my neighborhood of Squirrel Hill.

During the day the bar was an unobtrusive brown brick building with no name on the rusty red door and an address atop the door that could only be read by standing directly in front of the building. There were no windows and at night the only noticeable feature was a bright red bulb hanging directly above the door.

The bar was called The Holiday and it had been for at least three decades THE Gay bar in Pittsburgh. The Holiday was the hub of s social life had by Andy Warhol, and many more men. The Holiday had been known to be the 1:30am stop for fraternity boys at Pitt who had little luck receiving oral sex from their coeds and who had to get off before heading for bed.

I had considered the fact that I might be Gay, considered be the operative word because had I openly admitted to myself I was Gay I would then have to deal directly with it. I had encouraging information from the talking heads of the day that homosexuality was just a phase, just a guilty pleasure, just a bad habit one could, with great effort get over. Many a maven on everything Gay at the time said one might want to make an attempt to act on it and one might find out that the perversion of it all might immediately change one’s mind. I was hoping I was that one and that my mind would change and this dreadful obsession would vanish.

So one Thursday early evening a few weeks before my birthday I decided after a few nights of consternation and internal chaos to bite the bullet and by God visit the Holiday Bar to prove that I was among all things in my life, not Gay.

It was 7:07, the time still embedded in my mind because I remember looking at the Timex watch on my wrist and thinking it should have been a whole lot darker outside at that time. There had been a dozen parking spaces located a few feet from the entrance to the Holiday Bar, but I felt it wiser to park two blocks up a steep hill so if anyone driving down Forbes Avenue thought they recognized my car they might think I was taking classes at Carnegie Tech the other major university located in the Oakland neighborhood. I knew people speeding down Forbes hill would certainly see my car parked on the street and I wanted to make sure they never even considered I was headed for the Holiday Bar.

The first trip down the hill from my car to the Holiday bar took no more then three minutes, but as much as I knew I wanted to enter the bar, I also knew that someone anyone would be driving on Forbes Avenue slow down to see me entering the bar and would be shocked and disappointed. So to avoid any anguish on behalf of some person who would spy me intending to enter the bar, I passed the entrance and walked two blocks south.I was in front of the Carnegie Library stopped, looked at the traffic on the street, recognized no car or driver and then proceeded to take the same path back to the bar. Realizing that there might be drivers heading from Oakland to Squirrel Hill and not wanting any of them to be shocked in finding me entering the Holiday Bar, I walked past the entrance and did my climb the two blocks up the hill toward my car. I walked up the hill down the hill past the bar at least 20 times and the next time I looked at my watch it was 8:20. I was getting nowhere fast.

After at least three conversations with myself, one grand dissertation with myself about just walking to the door opening it and entering the fucking bar, one angry lecture about why this was so hard, I found the strength, courage, fatigue, momentum motivation bravery to, without thinking about what I might be doing walk to the door open it up did not look left or right and entered the Holiday Bar. I still remember three things as I walked inside the bar. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would have a heart attack and the paramedics would find me dead in the Holiday, the exhilaration of finally crossing the threshold of the front door being so overwhelmingly satisfying, and the fact that now I was inside the bar how would I manage to leave.

It was 8:30 pm on a Thursday night at a gay bar in Pittsburgh, and like almost any bar on a Thursday night, Gay or Straight, this bar had one bartender, one drunk patron singing to the juke box and a guy at the end of the bar who was falling asleep in his beer. By standing inside the bar I had come out!

It is National Coming Out Day in the United States. For some it is reason to celebrate, for some a day to pine and ponder, for some a day to say phew, so glad I got that over with and for some a day they wish they could find the courage, resolve, rational, reason or rhyme to acknowledge. For some it is a day in which a milestone once so distant so fearsome had been reached. For some it is a useless excuse to share something better left unopened, untouched unmentioned.

I am the same person I was before I came out but a more honest person perhaps. I am a man who among other trials and tribulations, good deeds bad habits, Gay. I hope one day there is no longer a need for a Coming Out Day knowing that just being yourself without any announcement is good enough.