good, bad and ugly

Sometimes the news presents what seems to be two conflicting stories, but once presented and heard with both your heart and head they in turn sort of blend into a common theme.

I was going to rant and rave about how it seems the bad guys in America seem to come out on top. They are full of greed, self service, and and any hint of conscience is stuffed away like winter coats during a hot humid sultry summer.

My focus of good guy vs. bad guy equalling ugly was going to center on all the flip flop on health care, budget cuts for programs helping the poor, the economic recovery which right now seems to be recovering the banks and fortune 500 companies, and the lies and and hypocrisy of the mainly Republican white male Senators, Governors, and a Few House of Representative Congress people.

But as I stated earlier, two supposedly no -related news stories appeared on television, and made me shudder and think. And now I am once again "mad as hell", and feel so frustrated that good it seems IS triumphing over bad, with the results creating ugly, with very little to stop that madness.

The GOOD . Lt Col. Raymond Rivas had elected to serve in the armed forces and be deployed to countries he believed wanted a chance to experience a free life and a life of equality for all. He was deployed in Iraq, and it seemed as his "poor" luck would have it, was caught in bomb blasts on three deployments. And each time after the blasts, the medics treated his physical wounds. But they (the medics) really never had cause to consider what might have been transpiring to his brain each time the blast riveted Lt. Col Rivas's body.

Each time the Lt. Col. was injured the medics tried to repair the body and each time after a certain amount of recovery time Lt. Col Rivas was sent back to the frontline. And for at least 5 times he was in the very epicenter of conflict and was caught in areas where bombs and mines exploded.

Finally, the army realized that the wounds suffered by the Lt Col. might be having more devastating effects than just the physical, and they began to try and repair the real culprit, severe injury to HIS brain.

Of course that course of medicine was lame and time consuming and half heartedly provided. So poor was the assistance for Lt. Col.Rivas, that he and his wife with the support of friends and colleagues spoke in front of the Congress, urging the same swift action all of the patriotic elected officials had in declaring war on Iraq to immediately declare war on an inadequate and post war medical effort.

The same men and women who shouted out "God Bless America", and "victory is ours" for the Iraq War, rung their hands sitting at their respective desks at the Capitol and slowly said we need to do something about this. Need to? How about "why haven't we!"

Well it seems the only person to make a difference in Lt. Col. Rivas life was Raymond Rivas. He sat in the parking lot of the Veterans Hospital which seemed to only slowly and uncaringly handle his priority medical case and the Lt. Col. committed suicide.

The BAD.

Following that news item, the same channel had an update story on the "changing history tour", crusade, Liz Cheney, eldest daughter of the Ex-Vice President, Dick Cheney had been leading. Lizzie it seems is still "pissed" that we are getting the facts wrong about Iraq. That her daddy was only thinking of the United States as he swore there were weapons of mass destruction, as he leaked information about Valerie Plame, as he stated to the Congress that we must allow no bid contracts from Haliburton to supply weapons, food and all necessities because the boogie men of Al qaeda will surely invade the U. S. if we don't act now, was something the liberal press ignored.

Liz Cheney mentioned nothing of the men and women who were sent to Iraq to fight "Dicks" war. She mentioned nothing of the sacrifices these individuals made with their physical and mental health, and little Lizzie, just spoke in her well controlled accusing voice that it was her dear old dad who is suffering the most. For it was his bravery above all else, and his risk of not being popular with the masses, that now hurts and haunts him.

(This is the same brave man who during the Viet Nam war had at least 5 or 6 deferments, and when asked why he had the deferments said, "he had other priorities in the 60's, then the war in Viet Nam.")

The UGLY. So Dick Cheney and doting daughter Liz will speak and lecture and eventually write a book or two and go home to some palatial mansion, never ever meeting or speaking to or even giving thought to the men and women who believed the lies and misinformation, regurgitated by the Bush/Cheney administration.

Neither daughter or father will admit to any mistakes which might lead to an apology or a sense of sadness or sorrow or even conscience to any members of the soldiers families. And more and more Vets, will come home to a life so completely changed and for many void of any hope.

BUT the Cheney clan will try and try to rewrite the facts, the history, make plenty of money, gain notoriety, and claim all who were wounded or maimed or died, did it for a just cause, the Cheney Cause, the Cheney War.

At the final hearing where Lt Col Ravis spoke to the very sympathetic and patronizing Congress he made an important statement. Lt. Col Raymond Ravis said, "I did not choose to get blown up."

Wonder where the blame for the blowing up and injury and lies and uncaring help really falls?

you think?

It gets very tiresome, waiting for the politicians to stop politicizing health care in this country.

Seems we get more denials that they (the politicians), are not making comprehensive health care for ALL Americans a political issue,(always their opponents seem to be doing that), but rather health care seems to have morphed (at least in the minds of politicians who have few moral and ethical thoughts floating in their heads then most people) into a matter of economics.

So, it is only right to take time and debate, and argue, and plan for a health care program which will suit the purposes of both the American consumer, but also the pockets and bottom lines of the health care industry and the wealthy CEO's and of course the share holders.

Time? The debate over comprehensive health care for Americans has lasted now over 25 years, and all the bottom lines, all of the cost cuts, all of the profits have been cut, drawn, lined, paid and forgotten, WHILE over the past 25 years many American citizens have died because they had no coverage, or could not afford a procedure, or had to eat so they declined paying for their prescriptions.

So how much longer do WE have to wait.

Senator Ted Kennedy missed some discussion on the newest harangue regarding health care because he was receiving treatment for his cancer. I wish the Senator well, but at least he IS receiving health care and because of HIS extensive, mostly paid for by the tax payers health insurance, at least the Senator CAN get care to extend his life. How many other non Ted Kennedy the Senator from Massachusetts are able to get proper and exact treatment for cancer. Better yet how many other non Senator, Ted Kennedy's have died waiting for any diagnosis for cancer?

The men and women of the U.S. Congress have their medical insurance paid for by the citizens of this nation. They receive the "cadillac" of coverage (that of course was when the U.S. still had a viable auto industry) according to Hilary Clinton when she ran for president, adding why can't ALL Americans?

Why can't we? Why is it that the cost of paying for Congresses medical insurance is never an economic issue. Why is it there is never any debate over the cost or the saving or the earnings of stock holders when it comes to paying for Congresses insurance?

Once again, I believe, unless our Congress have a personal stake, aside from being re-elected, on any issue, they (the Congress), will hesitate, procrastinate, and in the case of health coverage kill many of us until they are ready to make a passionate and human decision. (how much more money do they need to receive from the health care prescription drug company lobbyists?)

There is a doomsday clock in Washington which supposedly tells the world how close we may come to annihilation or grave disaster. Maybe we need to install a clock in the halls of the Senate and House which simply add up how many Americans are dying, will die or have died because they just don't have appropriate, professional comprehensive health care????

Maybe then watching the clock tick tock names and obituaries , some of our cavalier, removed and self important politicians might find a conscience and move much more swiftly on creating a national comprehensive health care package.

You think?

valueless values

Sometimes values can be a valuable asset in life. Following beliefs based on fairness, equality, and educated reason make sense. Understanding that differences may be a challenge to us, but to be challenged by differences and not embrace the how's or why they seem different create an even wider divide then the difference itself.

Sometimes valueless values based on bigotry, dogma, hate and fear are negative energy which create a divide no bridge or tunnel can or will ever be able to connect. And with valueless values understanding just drifts away from the crux of the issue and swirls further and farther from the truth or common ground.

I sometimes worry that those who seem to expound about THEIR values being the correct and just values spend more time trying to find fault in others than they do in finding fair.

Ex Governor Sarah Palin, has relinquished her term in office in Alaska, because she said she does not want to be a lame duck governor. Might be some value to that but she signed on with the voters of Alaska to be in office for four years, knowing very well that the last two years of office could be lame duck but still productive. She quits and is supposed to be demonstrating values because she does not want to be lame duck. Then why run for a four year term?

The Ex Governor says as an average citizen she will now be able to speak the truth without being ridiculed or misquoted. She says that even though her words have been printed as said, or she has been video taped speaking, the press misconstrues her message. She says something, regrets it after she is criticized and it is not her fault, but in turn those who question her about her comments. Those are values, never admitting the truth, but blaming others for not understanding the truth?

And Sarah, wanting to be known as the ("Everyman", or in her case the "Everywoman" character) says she is reneging on her promise to serve four years because she does not want the state of Alaska to have to go through a painful and expensive series of litigation regarding about 15 questionable acts of dishonest, unethical, perhaps criminal activities, that just happened to take place while being Governor Sarah Palin.

Hmmm, I might buy her family values "schtick" if in fact Mrs Palin, Mom Palin said she was resigning office because, her daughter Bristol, had a baby out of wedlock and is now not only a single parent but a teenaged single parent. (Her daughter Bristol did not abstain from sexual conduct as Mom had preached but decided that unprotected sex would be okay.) And that Mom Palin wanted to help with her daughter's new responsibility and perhaps have dialogue with her daughter about the options available for a very promiscuous teen, other than abstaining.

Or I might pleasantly smile as Mom Palin said she wanted to spend more quality time with young Trig, who with his special needs needs more one on one care and love. That Mom Palin wanted to interact with he son in his early growth years and make sure she did all she could to help Trig be all he can be.

But none of those values have seemed to settle in the list of rhetoric thrown about by the Palins. Nope it is about Ex Governor Palin, just becoming Sarah, one of us. She wants to speak her mind about the valueless values in this country and in her own selfless, or is it selfish way she wants to create the right kind of values.

I am tired of those who presume they are greater or grander based on not much but shouting quotes from the Bible louder, or saying they speak with God, or because they market themselves as one of us, never quite describing what one of us is really like.

Valueless values seem to be a common ailment of so many politicians. I value them ( the politicians less and less.

As a post script regarding values. I do want to thank Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina who put principle above party lines by endorsing Judge Sotomayor for the Supreme Court.

Seems Senator Graham removed himself from the white gentleman's club of Republican Senators by saying that overall, the type of justice administered by Judge Sotomayor has been consistent with bipartisan philosophy and Judge Sotomayor can be beyond politics.

Wonder though if Senator Grahams new found honesty will earn him less favor with the Republican party, who only know how to say no.

Thank you Senator Graham for finding your valuable values and voting smartly.

'splaining to do

Ricky Ricardo would come home from the Tropicana and sure as there are 24 hours in each day, his red headed half crazed wife, Lucy would be sitting on the sofa or standing by the kitchen with an enormous grin on her face, and loving husband Ricky would say "...you've got some 'splaining to do Lucy..." The camera would pan back to Lucy and all you heard was a large "...AHHHHHHHGGG!"

Seems now a-days, every time we turn on the television, we have a whole bunch of politicians who like Lucy have "...a whole lot of 'splaining to do, and like Lucy, only seem to 'splain anything when they are either caught in the act by reporters, being blackmailed by some co- adulteress or adulator, caught with their pants down or big white splotch on their dress.

Lucy was always up to some trick or other to convince Ricky that she (Lucy) could perform at the Tropicana or in the movies or anywhere in front of an audience. We loved Lucy and rooted for her to finally once have one her conniving plans follow through and come to fruition.

Unlike Lucy, our politicians use a whole bunch of conniving tricks but the only satisfaction they want is personal, and want the people who elected them to ignore the tricks and just settle for the pie in the face at the end of the charade. The pie of course splattered all over the electorate.

From Sarah Palin with her incredible 15 complaints against her for illegitimate unlawful, unethical behavior, to Senator Ensign from Nevada, who just couldn't keep his zipper zipped and whose adult parents had to fork up lots of cash to try and hush up the hussy, to the boys at the C Street Church, who say it isn't a church just a dorm (yeah for bunch of Neo Conservative half crazed Republicans to hang out while mixing Government business with personal pleasures), to a simpleton simon named Larry Craig who just happened sitting in a public restroom with a wide stance.

I Love Lucy has been in reruns for decades and eons so it seems. Many of us never get tired of the characters running amok on that show. The contempt, disinterest, selfish, disregard of the dozens and dozens of politicians toward the American citizen also seems to have run now for decades and eons. But unlike Lucy, we get no reruns, just continuous new situation comedies which the more they play, seem less funny and really quite disturbing.

I am so tired of hearing the self righteous say do as I say not as I do. These hypocritical politicians just seem to never learn . They all should take a course in watching I Love Lucy, and realize Lucy never go away with any of her schemes and they all back fired loud and proud in her face."

"...Lucy you have some 'spalining to do..." And don't you just wish for once the politicians would be honest enough and 'SPLAIN.

sticks and stones

I was walking down Commercial Street last night, on my way home from work. I was excited to be outside as the weather had finally changed and the night was warm, rain free, and through the jigsaw of left over clouds a few stars peeked brightly with hints of the small and large dipper on display.

Commercial Street was once more alive, and it was just one more sparkle in the vivid tapestry of Provincetown allowing ALL people to come together and directly or indirectly share minutes of their life with total strangers.

This week in P-town, you can find a wide variety of demographics. Lots of hetero's and homo's, "opposite sex" and "same sex" couples, families with two moms and dads to families with single parents and a man and a woman.

But in this almost picture perfect environment, there was an incident, slight but noticeable that took place. In almost any other city or town one might have expected the interaction, but after all this IS Provincetown and the usual is usually unusual.

A heterosexual couple was standing in front of the Post Office apparently talking, holding hands standing with another heterosexual couple. Two sets of male couples walked down the street, I would guess unaware of anything but one another's company. The gay couple also stopped in front of the Post Office (which on Commercial Street is a very popular place to just inhale and take in the local color), held hands looked up at the sky and kissed.

No big deal, well usually no big deal. The straight couple looked at their gay counterpart and laughed. And the male of the couple said "yuck". The gay couple looked over at the straight couple and both said "did you say something?" And then the guys kissed one more time.

Upon the second kiss between the two men, the straight couple said "yuck", one more time and quite briskly , actually the male dragging the female, walked away snickering and laughing, saying in quiet enough but passively aggressively enough voice, "queers".

A few onlookers were taken a back as was I, and of course a few boo's and hisses ensued and in a few minutes calm and order came back to its rightful place on Commercial Street.

Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, so free speech was certainly prevalent. But it made me wonder when will we begin to see the same in people and not the difference. A kiss by two people who in that moment felt like touching or holding or caressing, and "yuck" is what is needed to be said. And name calling, "queers", why is that necessary.

Makes me wonder what do people fear so much about what they do not understand. And instead of not understanding it, why not take the same energy they use for negatives to educate, inform and learn. and turn it into a positive?

Name calling! I thought as we grew in age we grew in wisdom. The childhood adage of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me...", just doesn't do it anymore. The names being called are just as injurious and the wounds are longer lasting. And behind the names are some loathsome dangerous inaccuracies which left unchecked lead to a whole evil actions.

put a little love in your heart

I have the privilege of working and living in Provincetown for the summer. My partner, Joe, has been here for countless summers and convinced me of the opportunities ahead if I allowed the skies, the water, the colors, the wind the magic of P-Town to seep deep in my soul.

And ever since our arrival in June until this Friday, July 24th, I have experienced nature at its finest, beauty blossoming beyond belief, sunsets and sunrises breath taking and awesome, and aromas from the bay and ocean delectable and delicious.

But some how along the path to an amazing summer a few kinks in the wonderfully gift wrapped world in which I am privy to participate have seeped into the armor and they are frustrating, foolish and and creepy enough for me to need to vent.

Each weekend in P-Town so it seems is another round of themes and special events geared to a variety of different demographics mainly within the LGBT community. Interesting how a subset of communities can have their own subsets, all with their own special demarcations, masquerades, costumes and facades.

Fourth of July weekend brought us the "circuit boys". A band of mainly muscled up, gym fed, no body fat, pretty boys, each a perfect specimen of male in their own right( or is it their own mind?) I was warned that the atmosphere in P-Town would get stale early on, as the "circuit boys" had thick attitude to match their even thicker muscle.

But I grow tired of lumping everyone into the same batter and hope that a smattering or a smidgen of unhappy, ego deprived, self indulged personalities do not all "circuit boys", make.

But through the Fourth of July weekend I did notice (from the two jobs I am employed at, so I got to deal with the public almost everyday), that on occasion some boys who have been told by their admiring fans either the ones looking back at them from the mirror or the chosen who get a glimpse or a chance to communicate with them, did exhibit a behavior which was if anything SAD, SORRY, and a bit SICKENING.

Seems there is a burden to being too muscled or too handsome or too manicured or tailored. And the "circuit boys", being afraid that if they are not always with others who look, feel, taste the same as they do are just invisible an become "unmentionables".

I can recall having to lower my head to meet the eyeballs of my customers just to say hello, or ask if I could help them, or even let them know that I acknowledged they were in my store. Had to learn to create a look which said, I ONLY WANT TO ASSIST YOU while shopping here or working out. I DO NOT CRAVE YOUR BODY NOR WANT TO HAVE SEX! My hello is what many normal people do to communicate.

Following the "circuit boy" adventure was "Bear" week. A time for men of mirth and girth, chest hair and bulging bellies, polar, cub, grizzly or muscle. A week to toast the non hibernation habits of men who liked men mainly in triple sizes.

It seemed however that with size of waist or bigger beef, or paunches and no perfume came an awful amount of attitude and arrogance if in fact you were too fit, or too pumped or too coiffed. And once again if you did not fit the mold you were not noticed. You were scoffed at for caring too much about your 31 inch waist or your medium t shirt. And eye contact or a smile or even a glimpse of notification became an arduous and achy approach.

This week is Girl Splash. A series of events for women to enjoy the company of other women, allowing Lesbians to enjoy the sites and sounds, bars and grilles, sand and surf of P-Town which is usually a male dominated territory.

And once again I felt like Alice in her first experience in Wonderland. I was an intruder for many women, an outcast who happened to have two balls instead of two breasts. A dreaded man who for some ladies must have represented some dreaded male figure in their past. And I was once again ignored and invisible in both the store and gym where I am employed.

Try as I might to say hello, or may I help you, I was thwarted by the down turned head, or the annoying whisper of one woman to another saying, ignore him. And in spite of the need to ignore I tried to purcevere and at least let the women know I cared and I was after all employed to help and assist.

And then after each week of theme in Provincetown, I read news articles about the heterosexual community, rudely dismissing LGBT individuals, or leaders of the religious right demeaning and degrading homosexuals, John and Sally Doe dismissing their "fag", or "dyke" neighbors or friends or family as misfits and mutants. And I get angry and fight back as best I can in a blog or two.

I am not sure if my angst and anger however is geared to the right people for the wrong they do. Seems we in our own community need some fine tuning as to equality and respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there will always be prettier and younger, men and women, butcher and more fem. There will always be those who intimidate us because they possess something we think we should have or be given. And there will always be those who are so insecure that anyone different than they is scary and need to be punished by us because they happen to have what we think we deserve.

But how can we as an LGBT community expect to gain, recognition, honor and respect if we need to alienate people who share the same experiences and the same prejudices. How can some women ignore men, how can some pretty people think that beauty is the source of strength, and can some larger people think small does not hold the power and prestige but in a tinier version.

Provincetown is a magical place and a place which is unique and sweet. Seems it is a mecca for the LGBT community, and I would hope when coming to mecca one can realize the potential and the pluses and no longer sip the poison making them devoid of the passion.

Jackie DeShannon made a song very popular, "Put a Little Love in Your Heart". The lyrics talk about making this world a better place, by putting some love in your heart. Seems we as a perceived minority of misfits by many need to practice what we preach in putting forth a little more love from our hearts to one another.

whose family values

I am curious as to why those who so verbosely shout and scream about family values and moral issues and ethical decisions in life, seem to always be worried about someone else's family, values, and life; thinking their life is beyond reproach or better yet their life is PRIVATE, so no need to bother correcting it.

I am always interested as to why it is what I do or what you do that is the cause of great consternation. And those who are always preaching the higher road are usually traveling a road of infidelity, greed, self promotion and gluttony ( not necessarily for food but power and wealth).

And while telling me and you about how we should live our lives, the great speakers of God have one foot in a motel room, one wide stance in a rest room, and two feet in scandal and malaise of their own hypocritical creation.

And I am even more astonished how the unthinking, uneducated lemmings that follow these sinister, well calculated liars and cheats, permit said liars and cheats to "do as I say but never do as I do."

And it always seems that the moralists, the ones who want to speak for humanity, seem to be politicians, religious leaders, and CEO's for the most part.

When is enough enough? How many more doubling talking, demon minded destructive individuals do we have to listen to, telling us only they have values, ethics morals?

Time for decent people to take back virtue, passion, and fairness.

I am so ready to begin.

if i reported the news

I am an avid fan of the news and current events. I love reading about current events, watching MSNBC, the PBS News Hour, discussing social policy with friends and family.

But sometimes I wonder why journalists, entertainment reporters, semi professional and professional reporters never really ask the next question or the question which might make a "news-maker", think, or quiver, or maybe even answer honestly and fairly.

If I had my own interview program I would ask the following questions:

Governor Charlie Crist of Florida. "...Hey Chuck, do you find it kind of odd that every time you decide to run for office or re-election you suddenly are dating or romantically linked to females? Is it strange to you, Chuck, that once you win the election the sudden infatuation with women ends? Is it just circumstance that your heterosexuality blossoms while running for office, but it wanes once behind closed doors and the away from the peering eyes of the press?"

Soon to be Ex- Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. "Hey Sarah, do you find it odd that a sitting Governor needs to have "her people " establish a legal fees fund to pay for about 15 accusations of improper, illegal, unethical and immoral behavior? Do you think that lying, stealing, abusive dismissals, using public servants for private and personal errands and tasks is just a part of the job? Is being a Governor so taxing that no matter what you do and decide is appropriate and proper and the average citizen should just shut up and stop complaining?"

Soon to be Ex-Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. "...Hey Gov', you are a big proponent of abstinence and expressed to your teenage daughter that there is only one way to stop teen pregnancy. Are you a little disappointed in your parenting skills, Gov' by not also expressing to your daughter the choices available for not allowing babies to have babies. Perhaps, Gov' you could have said to your typical teenage daughter, I prefer you abstain from pre marital sex, but if it is something you find you can not or do not wish to do, then contraceptives might work in stopping pregnancy. Gov' is religious dogma more important than practical every day life skills?

Governor Mark sanford of South Carolina. "Hey Mark, do you feel that while you were acting in an adulterous affair with your soul mate, you were at all chipping away at the Institution of Marriage you deemed and have continued to deem as soul property of "opposite sex" couples? Does infidelity between married heterosexual adults weaken at all the "Institution" as much as according to you two homosexuals wanting to love honor and respect might wreck the "Institution" if they married? Does removing your wedding band from your ring finger make the "Institution" vulnerable to havoc and chaos as much as two people of the same sex who love each other and do not cheat on one another, wearing the same wedding band?

Ex- Nixon Speech writer and staunch conservative commentator, Pat Buchanan. "So you cite history in implying that since it was 100% white men who did everything from write the Constitution, to die in the Revolutionary to Civil Wars as well as most of the dying in the two World Wars, that "white men", should continue to run this country, and exclude any other citizen born in America? Are you saying because a skewed democracy which limits rights to minorities, and seems to only reward those with power and money and white male skin, should continue to be the sole proprietors of control? And when a white guy named Richard Nixon lied and cheated and almost destroyed the opposition party with theft and purgerory you supported his behavior saying he did it for the country. You as one of his chief staff members never really found fault in his misdeeds and anti American behavior and to this day continue to pay homage to a man who had no morals and scruples, because he was white? Is there any place at all, Pat, in this country for any minority to hold any form of power. Or no matter how deceitful, self loathing, crime ridden a white guy is he deserves to be in the top spot, because he is white?"

And to Senators, Wamp (R) Tennessee, Demint (R) South Carolina, Ensign (R) Nevada, and Brownback (R) Kansas. "Hey guys, so you all live in the "C" Street brownstone, and pay about $600 a month for rent. We are told that the brownstone is a church so in reality it is tax exempt so your rent I guess should be minimal. Do you guys sit around at night wearing white hoods or robes? After all your little secret sect espouses a secret doctrine known as the Seven Mountain Mandates: you silly guys all Republican Senators belong to a group which wants to gain world control by gaining control of 7 key factors: religion, government, media, education, arts and entertainment, family and business. Wow, big goals guys.

Seems you bad boys are all a part of a very racist and sexist group. Seems your exalted leader of the "Family", Doug Coe believes that when God came to his dad, God said to the senior Coe, that only rich white male elites should rule.

Cool guys, but of all the heros you emulate I want to know which one is your favorite. Is it Lenin, Hitler Mao, or Osama?

Oh yeah, what kind of initiation rights do you guys hold?

Oh and one more thing, do you think there is any problem with all of you supposedly working under the guarantees of the Constitution, or eventually will the "Family" at the C Street Church do away with that waste of paper?"

Some questions just seem to sizzle in my mind. Some questions which if asked and then answered might awaken a few tired souls who rely on somebody else to figure out the truth.

currr-age!

The cowardly lion, from the "Wizard of Oz", sang a song about finding the courage to just stop being afraid of everything. His fears of the world around him, finally became an obstacle to his finding his dreams and wishes. So to help rid himself of self imposed demons, the Lion sang about finding his COURAGE to move on, to jump the next hurdle.

Recently I watched a commercial which had the word courage flashing in the back ground as we saw athletes from the Special Olympics participating in their individual sport. We were told they were courageous, and heros, and special, like in the Special Olympics. We were informed that with the courage to catch a ball, balance on a beam, run the track and field these disadvantaged youth would most likely spend their days just growing older and weaker, less healthy, and collecting dust.

I viewed a documentary on the Stonewall riots and was told by the narrator that if not for the courageous acts and push back by the gay men at the Stonewall Bar, the LGBT movement would be even further behind in its accomplishments and advances then we are so far. That without their (the gays of the Stonewall Bar) stand against brutality, bigotry, and bullying many modern LGBT might not even find the freedom to hold hands in public, work in jobs such as education, or government; and that many LGBT individuals would have remained alone and lonely in the closet.

The program "Black in America Part 2 airs on CNN and in the previews of the series we are constantly told how courageous the African Americans of the 60's had to be to let America know and understand that bigotry and hate had to end. Had they (the Negroes of the time) not refused to not sit in the back of the bus, or drink from any water fountain, or settled for second class citizenship, they might still be living a MORE segregated and confined life in a democratic America.

No one it seems ever states that if it were not for prejudice, religious dogma, fear of difference, ignorance, unrealistic standards of what should be right or correct, hate, bigotry, scapegoating; gays, blacks,disabled Americans would not need the courage to just be themselves. That without all of the baggage laid on the doorsteps of minorities in this country, courage to live a life the way you want to live a life, would not be courageous, but normal and expected.

When I finally realized I was a gay man, and that the world would not end in admitting such, and that I actually loved myself and told those who mattered WHO I AM, I was greeted with, "...wow that took courage..."

COURAGE!? For whom? COURAGE so others could feel that I was lesser than they, so they could welcome me into their so called "normal world". COURAGE to admit who I was because all around me I was told I was different? COURAGE to find my fair place in society without being laughed at, called names, feared? Courage to live in country which brags about fair and equal!?

Perhaps those who still think that the Disabled, or Blacks or LGBT populations need to prove themselves, to become like "normal" people, are the ones who need to find the COURAGE to say to themselves, I am stupid, I am prejudiced, I am ignorant, I am afraid. I need to change.

Courage is admitting that I am afraid of difference, because if I no longer have anyone to look down at I may have to take a good long look at myself and I may not like what I see in the mirror. It is I who lack courage to face some truths.

I am so tired of hearing how courageous so many people are when in fact all they want to do is live a simple and very average life, like so many others try to do.

"...if I only had some CURRR-AGE..." GROWL, ROAR, PURR!

guns

Wow, Senator Thune from South Dakota wants to pass a law that will allow people from states who allow individuals to carry concealed weapons to be permitted to carry those same concealed weapons in the cities, parks, playgrounds, malls and streets of states who have made the carrying of concealed weapons illegal.

Senator Thune feels in the case of concealed weapons each and every state does NOT have the right to stop an American citizen from his/her right to bare arms. In this case, says Senator Thune, the Federal Government knows best.

BUT, when it comes to states which DO NOT recognize "same sex marriages", Senator Thune and most of his Blue Dog Democratic colleagues and most ALL of his Republican conspirators, believe each state DOES HAVE the right to deny the law to out of state citizens.

It seems that most Bible loving, Jesus toting, Flag waving, God Bless America politicians find that guns are more important than love. That the ability to arm yourself for perceived boggy men, is more valid than to to place your arm around the person you love and call them your partner. That becoming a personal vigilantly is more valuable than loving the man or woman in your life.

How many more times does the LGBT community have to be reminded that until we are no longer equal but separate, and just EQUAL, that until OUR rung on the ladder is at the same level as any other American; will our lives be more important than the lives of those who can't wait to blast the bad man, or those who want to take the law into their own hands and kill the perceived villain.

I am so tired of waiting for something as simple, as easy as, granted in the U.S. Constitution as civil and human rights for ALL Americans.

So, you can go from state to state carry your weapon, but bring your spouse from one state to another and be denied any and all rights.

Not fair, not right, so wrong!

numbers

Sometimes NUMBERS, TOTALS, SUMS, AMOUNTS can be quite interesting.

I wonder what the NUMBER of "opposite sex couples", actually confront one of their perspective partner and say, "honey a same "sex couple couple" just got married, so we need to divorce as our marriage is just a sham?"

I wonder if we had a NUMBER chart located in the Senate or House of Representatives which changed in total every time someone was denied medical coverage due to a pre existing condition OR, was just unable to afford coverage, OR died before their medical insurance actually agreed to treatment or drugs or hospital stay, if the NUMBER of months or years to finally pass legislation to cover ALL Americans would suddenly become sooner than later in actuality?

OR

I wonder what the NUMBER of days it would take if we the tax payer said to the Congress, you get no tax payer paid medial coverage any more until you find a way for all Americans to get the same coverage at the same price you and your families receive.

I wonder what the NUMBER of educated Latina women, similar to Justice Sotomayor, are close friends to the Southern middle aged white Republican Senators, would total when asked of those same Senators do you have any strong, intelligent personal Latina friends?

I wonder the AMOUNT of times Senator Larry Craig had a wide stance in public rest rooms before he was actually caught with his pants down?

I am curious how MANY abortion doctors can be shot at or killed by God fearing, God lead anti abortionist religious right wing believers; before their (the doctors) death equals the righting of the perceived wrong?

Curious if the TOTALS of money held back from the golden parachutes of CEO's of the major banks, mortgage institutions or the 500 Fortune companies even came close to the savings those same institutions made from the lay offs or firings of their employees. Wonder if the sums of the totals saved by laying off the common worker were greater than the shaving back of a few million from about half a dozen executives?

I wonder just what SUMS of money Vice president Cheney will receive from "back pay" as a member of the Board of Directors for Halliburton during the Iraq war. And I wonder if the savings from not supplying the troops with the correct armor, or supplies equals even half as much of the bonus money the Vice President will receive from Halliburton after he convinced the Congress that in a time of war "no bid contracts" were important to keep up the war effort.

I wonder how LONG it will take Anderson Cooper to not come out as the gay man he is and say to his doting fans, you like me, do like me gay?

Curious how LONG it will take the voters of Nevada to forgive Senator Ensign for his infidelity and vote for him when he runs for re-election, and still worry that the entire institution of marriage is reliant on keeping the GAYS from marrying?

And I wonder what AMOUNT of time it will take the LGBT community to realize that unless their NUMBERS come together and stop allowing our rights to be wronged, will we still be second class citizens in the United States? I wonder when the LGBT community stops being so damn passive waiting for others to write our destiny and finally stand up for a freedom and equality which is not owed us but one which in the Constitution is GIVEN to us.

NUMBERS mean something in this country when they ADD up, and TOTALS mean a whole lot more when the SUM of our actions reach an end worth COUNTING on.

to get away with murder

So today in Washington D.C. a man named Stephen Andrew Moller, was released from prison after spending only year in a supposed crime of man slaughter. Mister Moller it seemed in June of 2008, in front of a gay nightclub in a city in South Carolina, began to shout obscenities to a 20 year old gay man named Sean Kennedy.

After shouting and insulting Sean Kennedy, Mister Moller, began to beat up Sean.

The beatings it seemed cause grave damage and shortly after going to the emergency room, Sean Kennedy died.

Mister Moller claimed HE was really the victim as it was Sean Kennedy who groped Mister Moller in the crotch and buttocks, and Mister Moller was humiliated enough that he had no idea how hard the blows to the head and abdomen of Sean Kennedy really felt or what kind of damage ensued.

And after all, said Mister Moller, you can understand the embarrassment.

Problem was Sean Kennedy was dead, so he could not testify as to how hard the blows must have felt, and Sean Kennedy could not defend himself from mistruths and concocted stories bandied about by Mister Moller.

BUT the problem IS that the court decided that the embarrassment of supposedly being hit on by a gay man DID diminishe the fact that manslaughter took place.

The junior Senator of South Carolina, who is fighting a Federal Hate Crimes Law, Senator Jim De Mint, has partitioned priests and ministers to not support such a law saying, laws like anti hate laws for particular deviant groups i.e. LGBT community are why we are in the terrible situation morally and ethically as we are today.

Senator De Mint, then went on to tell the " men of the cloth", "...religious principals and biblical teachings are policies that MADE America prosperous and great..."

I suppose those were the same teachings the Southern churches sought out during slavery, or the same teachings that made America good allowing the lynching of black men who even smiled at or winked at a white woman. Or perhaps the same teachings that gave President Bush and Vice President Cheney the backbone to contrive false reason for going to war in Iraq. And the same teachings that Senator Eugene McCarthy used to demean, unnerve and end the careers and the lives of those he claimed to be Communists.

Sean Kennedy's mother found out that her son's murderer was set free via an email blast. Wonder what principal was used to decide the least human way to tell a mother that her sons killer was set free.

I think I might get less angry and upset if our politicians just came clean and were honest. It is not about religion, it is not about one person's own belief about God. It is about personal hate, dissatisfaction with their own life and bigotry based on nothing but false facts that people do not want the GLBT community to be free and equal.

And until we all speak the truth, more people will get away with murder.

private eyes, watching you

I grew up on Denniston Avenue in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, in what was referred to in the good old days as a row house. There were four sets of rows, each containing six homes with at least two common walls.

Denniston Avenue was a safe, simple, place to grow up and as it used to be in the 50's and early 60's a nurturing environment where everyone knew their neighbors, never locked their doors, and shared for the most part, a common public life on the porches or front lawns of a very common neighborhood.

Because of the proximity and lack of any space between the houses, and the fact that social life on Denniston consisted of playing on the street or sitting around the front lawns on a warm and humid summer night, most private life became public knowledge.

We knew when Aunt Ruthie (in the 50's neighbors were like family, but there still was a sense of respect for your elders, so we never called out neighbors by their last names just added aunt or uncle to their first names), and Uncle Nat were arguing. You could walk past their front bedroom and hear a few choice swear words bantered back and forth, and you got wind of the fact that the two cared less and less for each other the more they remained married.

We knew when Uncle Jerry drank too much because Aunt Bea, threatened to throw him out of the house if he dared come home one more night "under the influence". And we actually knew when a second Aunt Ruth was just not interested in having any more sex tonight, tomorrow or as I recall forever, with Uncle Leonard.

The personal lives of the neighbors was never discussed out loud directly, but their private conversations, communications, and chats were known and noticed.

It was however fair game to talk about other peoples marriages and struggles. It was okay to discuss with great discourse the cheating, the drinking, the philandering and infidelities of anyone else. And they did.

And so it seems that many politicians feel the same philosophy of talking publicly about others but never mention my own affairs because it is personal is the correct way to go.

Many politicians will talk about the evils of same sex marriage, never knowing who they may affect by demeaning or discriminating. They will talk about the negatives of how a same sex couple marrying one another would eat away at some invisible foundation of marriage. They will criticize, chastise, and cull up every conceivable scenario to admonish and abolish any hope for marriage other than opposite sex marital bliss.

But talk about their (the politicians) sordid affairs and marriage all of the sudden becomes "off limits", and infringement on the politicians personal life, or not a fair issue to discuss.

Daryl Hall and John Oates had a popular song in 1981 called "Private Eyes". A small part of the lyric stated, "...private eyes are watching you..." How come those same private eyes are always watching someone else; but never are those same peering, condemning, subjective eyes ever turned inward?

If you want to discuss my life it is as sure as hell open season on your life Misters Clinton, Senator Ensign, Governor Sanford, Senator Craig, Senator Vitter, Governor Spitzer.

Enough private eyes watching me.

a long languishing dip

In 1966, in Pittsburgh, a few friends and myself became volunteers in what was one of the first open classroom schools in what was then a very "black" and poor neighborhood. We were a part of the 60's rebellion, and felt it was more important to reach out then always reach in and stay with safe boundaries.

We totaled about 6 white middle class Jewish juniors in high school, and once a week made our three hour after school visit to the East Hills School to tutor, plan activities and meet school aged kids from a neighborhood we most likely would never ever visit or really know too much about.

We had been joined in our tutoring chores with another 6 African American juniors and throughout the year built a quiet rapport with our counterparts, albeit once a week, but enough time for both of us to learn more and more about people who otherwise might be as foreign to us if they were living over seas.

It was mid year and the East Hills School faculty wanted to do something to thank all the tutors, so it being near Christmas, decided to have a holiday party. They asked all the tutors to attend in a sense of brotherhood. The five of my friends and I said we would go. The event was at night, and on a weekend. We thought very little of the time of day and the fact that the majority of the faculty would not be present and in fact that there would not be a private guard watching the parking lot.

But even cautioned by our parents to be careful, and some other friends who said you are going THERE at night; we went. All six of us piled into one huge car.

We arrived early and much to the delight of our children we tutored, we mingled and danced and had an enjoyable time. We even managed to meet some of the parents, and all in all felt we had made some kind of contribution in engaging the "black community", and having them learn more about middle class white Jewish kids.

Then it was time to leave the school, walk about 50 yards to the parking lot. And then it was as if we were suddenly somewhere else, somewhere scary and somewhere very unfriendly.

East Hills School was built in the middle of a Pittsburgh housing project. It was the first attempt for the Board of Education to build schools on par to the many "white student " schools, but still keeping it segregated.

As my friends and I walked out of the school towards the car we were confronted by about a dozen teen aged kids. They were in a straight line blocking our way to he parking lot. My friends and I did not want seem intimidated but suddenly we all felt fear and worry and thought what is going to happen.

The ring leader of the group stood in front of the group and said "...you whities don't belong here. You come here and teach OUR kids how to be white, they are Negroes and you need to stay away. All you whities want to do is make our black skin tan."

My friends and I were kind of shocked. Is that what we were doing? No, we were there to work with a population of kids, we were told, that needed some extra motivation and needed some positive reinforcement so they would continue in school and out of poverty and gangs.

We started to move forward, all of us silent and the line of black teens moved one step closer to us, with the leader once again pontificating. "...you whities are all the same, and you want US to be just like you..."

We all thought there was going to be some kind of violence. But from the school came some of our counter tutors who immediately stepped in front of us and yelled back at their peers. They told the very angry group of teens, that they (the teens) had no idea of what they were talking about and before you hate anybody you had better get to know them and learn who they are as individuals.

A group sigh of relief ensued, brief however, as our co-tutors said you had better walk fast to your car. And we left.

I lived in Houston in the early and mid 80's and was active in the NAMES Project as well as the Jewish community in Houston.

I was finally secure in being gay, and was out and almost as proud as I could be. I felt it my duty to act as liaison between the Jewish population and the LBGT population to educate both communities about the perceived differences and similarities both demographic groups were comprised of.

One big opportunity I thought was to invite some of the Jewish community to march in the Gay Pride Parade under the banner of the NAMES Project. A few Jewish families had lost their children to HIV/AIDS, and needed a way to talk about their grief, so marching in a parade which hopefully was about inclusiveness would be the perfect answer.

I approached a handful of families and discussed this chance to express their acceptance of their LGBT children as well as help educate heir friends and family about HIV/AIDS.

At first the idea was thought to be a perfect meeting of the minds. A parade seemed harmless, it was with a nationally known group the NAMES Project, and it seemed like fun.

Then someone who knew someone who knew someone, said they heard that this parade had as a part of it, something called dykes on bikes, the Men of Houston Leather Club, and some people walking their boy/girlfriends with a leash and chains.

It was a form of debauchery some of the people added, and not the right thing to do.

Then two women looked at the three family members who had lost their sons to AIDS, and said, if all the people were like your sons, straight looking, intelligent, normal we would not mind marching. But these are freakish people, its just not right.

Needless to say and sorry to say, we had the three families whose sons had died of HIV, march and no one else.

In the year 2009, the U.S. Senate, is holding hearings on the nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor. She is being questioned by a whole group of Southern Senators who happen to white middle aged men and who seem to be skeptical about Judge Sotomayor thinking as a Latina. She has had a different background and set of life experiences, and that because of that difference she is not too qualified to abide by the laws that for the most part white middle aged men have established, so they say.

It seems Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, and Senator John Cornyn of Texas, find the fact that that Ms Sotomayor who is a Latina might think that her (unique) experiences would have her interpreting the law differently than three white men, and that interpretation will be full of bigotry and bias. Judge Sotomayor will not see things as they should be seen, but from a pair of eyes with different vision.

In this country, it seems we talk about diversity, but if it is too diverse and too unlike what we set the stereotypes to be like, or too unlike what it is we can perceive then diversity is really uncomfortable and wrong.

The Black kids at East Hills School, knew white people to only be one way, and there was going to be no recognition that their assumption was wrong.

The Middle Class Jewish families in Houston knew that nice Jewish gay boys were okay, but the rest of the LGBT community were lechers, perverts and debauchers.

And the three Southern middle aged white Senators think if it is a Latina, she must not be able to think with the same of principles as they.

Why are we so limited in really understanding the positives of diversity? Why are our uneducated pre-existing standards always so hard to remove? Why do we only talk about diversity, but never ever take a long languishing dip in the pool of understanding?

Why is different okay to a point?

thanks for the truth

When my son was about 8 years old, he quietly walked into the living room of our house, propped his feet on the ottoman sat down on the sofa and asked me what seemed to be a perfectly innocent question.

He said, "...dad, did you and mom ever smoke dope?" My ex-wife and I had been college students in the late 60's and although we were not the rebellious, long haired, tie- dyed hippie bra and draft card burning college coeds, we both had done our fair share of rolling our own joints and enjoying a toke or two or three.

Upon our wanting children, my ex-wife and I also decided that in raising our children we would ensure a home with honest and relevant answers, providing our kids with answers that may difficult to express, but more meaningful and just. ( new parents are so beautifully naive).

So, when my son asked this question about marijuana, I was a bit shaken and a lot taken aback.

I am not sure if you have ever done a full scan of possible answers when asked an uncomfortable question, but my brain began to do free fall and in a matter of 30 seconds I had come up with a whole list of answers, from the kind that Ward Cleaver would tell the Beaver, to how Mister Rogers would address the folks in his neighborhood, to something in between similar to how my own father would have answered, except, I would have never asked my own father this question.

My son was good however, very good, and he knew if I did not answer the question with more immediacy, then in fact the answer I would provide most likely would not be a true answer, so my son, cleared his throat and asked the question again, "...well dad, did you, shouldn't be too hard either yes or no!..."

So I answered, "...that yes in fact your mother and I did smoke some marijuana BUT we were in college, MUCH older than you, and it was, after all, the 60's..."

My son looked at me and said," Cool. I was just wondering. Mom said you didn't."

Seems, during the Bush administration, the American public was given a few answers to too many few questions raised by the public about everything from our civil liberties regarding warrant-less wire taping, interrogations of people presumed to be terrorists to the whole issue of weapons of mass destruction causing the U.S. to go to war in Iraq.

Seems we are given conflicting answers from people like Senator Coburn of Oklahoma about what his involvement and the involvement of the the "family religious group from C street is and has been in the adulterous affairs of two of its most prominent Republican members, Senator Ensign of Nevada and Governor Sanford of South Carolina.

Seems one parent is saying one thing and the other parent is providing conflicting answers. Out of guilt perhaps?

Who are we protecting when not telling the truth, and why does the truth seem just so darn hard to express?

In my case regarding marijuana, it was shame and hypocrisy. Here we were concerned parents talking about the negatives of pot smoking trying to have our kids not try it: when in fact we did it and loved it and had for the most part one hell of a time doing it. But how could we tell our son it was fun, it was cool it was OKAY when we did not want him to participate.

And then there is the government, the Bush administration, the Conservative Republicans lying to us about freedoms and safety and moral and ethics. Telling us do as I say not as I do and stop asking such silly questions. We are your parents just listen to us.

So, back to my son. Later that night, my wife and I went to our son's bedroom and as we were tucking him in we both apologized for the two versions of the same story. We admitted our usage, and added the caveat that we would hope he and his sister would not try any drugs that even though we did marijuana, it was wrong in the eyes of the law, and it did make us a little more vulnerable to our immediate environment because we were high. And that we hope if he is considering using marijuana or anything else he speak with us first.

Our son looked up at us from the bed and said, "...I just wondered, and thanks for the truth."

Hmmm, thanks for the truth. So Misters Bush, Ensign, Sanford and Coburn, when do we get the truth so we can thank you?

not sure why

My 87 year old Aunt finally had to move from her condo in North Miami Beach a few summers ago.

She and her "late" husband had moved to Florida from Pittsburgh almost 35 years ago, setting up residence in their condo along with dozens of other North Eastern Jewish "snow birds", and enjoying a carefree retired life.

With time comes change and the young mid life couples soon became octogenarians and ill, and not the contemporary "guys and dolls", they once were.

My Aunt was first the Chairlady of the Condo Social Club, and eventually with her popularity and ability to move and shake things, became the President.

And now at 87 was no more than a nuisance to younger Cuban young couples moving in with their families and different order or priorities.

So here we were in this period of time in my Aunts life, when she was no longer the "boss lady", the "queen bee", the "lady to go to", but just for many of the new tenants, an old lady and for most an invisible old lady.

But yet, in the hierarchy of life my Aunt still had other condo "lifers", who were down on the totem pole, making room for my Aunt to be at least closer to the middle rung then the very bottom.

One lady in particular was Rachel.

To see Rachel from a distance, was to witness a petite long silver haired woman wearing preppy jeans to her ankles with a pair of bright yellow "bobby socks" matched by a brighter pair of tennis shoes in a canary yellow bright enough to necessitate sun glasses.

Rachel, apparently, was quite the "cats meow" in her early days of Condo life, and for all of her flirtiness and girlishness behavior as a younger woman, was paying the price for a reputation which most likely was more hype than truth.

Rachel, however still liked her men and no matter her current age had the longing for and the desire to as she told me quite often, "touch a good muscle, and rest on a sturdier lap."

So, one day while waiting for my Aunt near the one and only bank of elevators in the building, Rachel, from a bout 5 condos away, shouts to my Aunt, "hold the elevator Meercy, I'm going to ride that nephew of yours to the bottom floor." Rachel chortled, she never laughed and started walking towards us.

My Aunt would have nothing of it and started to push the elevator button at least 10 time a second and said under her breath, looking at me, "she is a loon, she is a crazy loon."

As it happens with the science of gadgets, the more you push a button the longer it takes for said button to operate in the manner by which you so desire, and of course, the less than speedy Rachel, seemed to outpace the slower moving elevator and managed to arrive at the elevators standing between my Aunt and I and close enough to place her porcelain fingers on my bicep.

My Aunt having none of this did a protective dance to my other arm, grabbed my other bicep,like a vice and said very loudly, "pay no attention to her she is a foolish woman."

I blushed and was surprised at my Aunts comments especially since she spoke so loud, and that Rachel was next to us.

I did a stage whisper and said to my Aunt, " Aunt Meercy, Rachel is standing next to she can hear you."

My Aunt said, in an Ethel Merman type of stage voice, "nope, she is as deaf as they make them, deaf, deaf, deaf. If Rachel only heard half the things people say about her do you think she would be wearing yellow!"

A bit mortified, I was now held in place by the suddenly strong arms of two women in their eighties and escorted to the elevator.

There was, thank God silence on the ride down to the first floor.

Upon exiting from what seemed the endless elevator experience, my Aunt departed first, and Rachel still holding on to my bicep walked off with me.

I was about to say goodbye to her in my BIG voice, thinking the poor lady was so non hearing that even shouting would not convey my goodbye, when Rachel said to me in a bird like peep, " they think I am deaf, and I let them think that I am, it seems somebody needs to be at the bottom of the pecking order, and I feel I should help all of those sad older women feel better they have at least someone who is less than they are."

Rachel kissed me and did a sort of jitterbug dance step down the hall.

My mother, God rest her soul, moved to a high rise partial assisted living space when she turned 72.

She was very reluctant to move out of her two storied one basement home, but her children realized that living alone, living in a home with one bathroom on the second floor and the washer and dryer in the basement, in a home almost 90 years old was not the best way for any mother to enjoy her later years.

So with about a year of arguments, of denials from my mother that "over her dead body" would she ever move, the four kids won and my mother, pouty, angry, mad, pissed off (yes even Jewish mothers can get pissed off), was relocated in a one bed room same floor for everything apartment.

My mother was a stubborn woman, so little did we all know she immediately loved her new environment, but almost after a few months into her new "digs", my mother made the announcement that this new place was no longer a jail or a concentration camp, but actually a smart idea.

The cloud of guilt began to dissipate from the heads of my siblings, an we felt that my mother would have quite a few more years of happiness and contentment added to her life due to her new environment.

And we were right. My mother was at least 15 years older than most of the women there but being that she was in good health, she was part of the "in group of ladies."

It seemed my mother's the apartment building was secretly divided into three groups. The "go go's, the go slows, and the no go's.

And each group had their own position in the unofficial hierarchy of the building.

My mother was in the "A" list of the Canasta Club, the Cadillac of the Maj Jong players group, and sat at the Shabbat Queens table for friday night meals. As the song goes, "...nothin could be finer than to be in Carolina...", even though it was still Pittsburgh.

But then after 10 years of popularity bliss, my mother fell and broke her pelvis and hip. The ladies were wonderful, they sent her flowers and baked goods visited her in the hospital, and told her that her Maj Jong seat would stay cold until her "tuchis" touched the foam on the polyester cushion.

Then my mother returned, thinking it would be a triumphant home coming.

But this time my mother returned with a cane and a walker ( the two most dreaded of appliances in any senior center). And suddenly my mother became contagious. She was now an undesirable, cast to the no go's because, she now was old, and any one who came in contact with her cane and worst of all her walker would soon befall older age and they too would become one step closer to assisted death.

My other was devastated. My sisters and I tried our best to remedy this horrible state of events.

We went to Ruthie, the spry 69 year old monarch of the building and asked why no one wanted to sit next to my mother, or spend more than a few minutes with her, standing at least 4 feet away when they actually smirked at her. Ruthie was quite blunt, rolled up the sleeves on her beaded blouse, the one that read, OUR GRAM IS SO YOUNG!, and said your mother is feeble and feeble has its place.

The Fourth of July in Provincetown is a sun filled fun packed week of circuit parties, with more muscle per boy per square inch than almost anywhere else in the world. You want pretty you got it, you want physiques so above a 10 you have it, you want abs and 'cepts, and pecs that not only look like they were carved in granite you have or made by the Gods of Greece, wham bam m'am its there.

The boys of Provincetown, were all gorgeous, all gym-ed, and all beautiful and big.

There was one of many dances held a a local club, the line to get in was like standing in front of A&E window. Your had to shelter your eyes for fear that they would just boil out of the sockets from too much beauty.

My partner was working as a bar tender in a bar within the complex of the dance club. I was waiting to see him once he opened his bar and while waiting saw a few friends my age, late, late 50's, and started to chat with them as they stood in line to go to the muscle party.

These guys (my friends), at one time in their life were as perfect and pretty as muscled and manicured as any younger guy waiting to go dance.

But we have aged. And with age we grow angry that time which may have once been our best friend has now abandoned us it seems and has become more of a fair weather friend and has sagged our muscled a bit, tweaked our butts and found new places to add lines and creases.

My friends, however, for 50 something looked good, and still looked into the mirror of their youth seeing what was, more than what is. They somehow did not truly realize that looking good at a party for 20 somethings who look FABULOUS, makes looking good at 50, almost making you look good enough to look invisible.

As I said goodbye to the friends, heading over to kiss my man goodnight, I heard about 3 young prototype muscle bound lads start to laugh. They were pointing to my friends and saying that when were parents allowed to wear tight t-shrts, did someone open a few graves for fun, and did they make depends as form fitting as levi jeans?

Then they said, don't they know they had their day and that day is way done!

The hierarchy of life. Why does it seem that human nature becomes less nurturing and more nagging. More opinionated, more regulated by rules and regulations which never resonate well, but ring like a bad buzzer or burglar alarm. Who makes up these hierarchal standards? And why do we acquiesce?

For some of us its a long hard road we waiver and roam. For some of us getting to that spot when we can finally in hale deeply and pause to refresh and enjoy our journey, should be wonderful and any rule made should be a rule revoked.

But then we find ourselves in places where someone seems to be better, or bigger or healthier or happier, or richer etc, etc, etc.

Just not sure why!

fiction becomes fact

Sometimes the news created by politicians seems like fiction when in fact, the facts are so horrifyingly true, you wonder if they (the politicians) are really situation comedy writers on the side.

Here we have Sarah Palin, talking only in semi syllables,with dangling participles, unfinished sentences, speaking about three things in each sentence telling the people of Alaska, and indirectly the people of America, that she does things differently than other politicians and she is such a fan of the public she is going to save all of us from her serving out her lame duck tenure as Governor. She has so many false claims of misconduct against her that it would be better for her not to have to stay in office and try and defend herself. She knows all of these alleged criminal acts are just jealous Democrats trying topple her. So for the good of the people she is resigning.

Phew! Sarah makes up an excuse to cop out, she has larger ambitions on the political front, realizes she has screwed up royally, but somehow creates a buzz she is doing all of this for her constituents and citizens. Uh huh!

Then there is new evidence that Senator Ensign of Nevada a staunch Pro Family Anti Gay kind of guy, is a part of some very private church group housed on C Street in Washington D.C. It is lovingly referred to as "The Family". From all accounts it is religious group of Evangelical Christian Right Wing elected officials. They have a spiritual leader who quotes the great men of history, like Lenin, Pol Pot, Hitler, and the Bush's favorite family guy Osama Bin Laden, as men who take destiny into their own hands, and have the masses, which really are bothersome in their grip and run the planet as they see fit.

The leader of the family some 30 years ago it seems had Jesus come to him in his apartment in D.C. to say that Christians have it all wrong; it is not about loving thy brother, it is about a few chosen smart men controlling the money and the power and through their discretion help those less fortunate, or not.

But to the point, Senator Ensign, a member of the C Street family, was considered one of those chosen men and was told he could do no wrong. When he did wrong, he was counseled by the leader of the "Family", and one Senator Coburn of Oklahoma,( the poster boy for hating abortionists, gays and poor people), and told stop your silly affair. Write a letter to the "other woman" the harlot and say it was all a mistake.

The thing is, Senator Ensign had been told he was all powerful and above the laws of the land and wrote the letter but still confessed in another letter to his mistress, he still craved her body and wanted to continue the sex. Married or not!

Why this is important to me has many reasons. The fact that politicians can make and break the rules, ignore common sense, use God as their witness, and expect the public to believe their third or fourth accountings of the same story and many times get away with it is wrong on so many levels.

The fact that so many politicians are busy running everyone else's lives, setting standards for us which seem to be higher than those they live by is disturbing.

The fact that they get re-elected or that they come across as martyrs, or never really made to face their consequences infuriates me. Republicans are so good at letting bygones be bygones.

When will the American public stop allowing the situation comedy writers to run this country on a double standard. Most of these politicians beg to be nominated and elected, they tell us about the flag, and God and family. And for the most part, if they share the same dogma, bigotry, hate and exclusion of groups of a majority of uneducated, self loathing individuals they get elected and from the first day on the job become some kind of self important monster.

And they begin to lie, or cheat, or steal money. And the only time they even mention their wrong doings is when they are caught.

And most Americans let it happen.

Fact turns to fiction, and the situation comedy goes on and on and on. And the only ones laughing it seems are the Politicians.

Ug!

nature or nurture

It was a sunny weekend in Provincetown, the weather finally cooperated and there was great reason to be outdoors and announce how wonderful life was when the sky is blue, the wind whispers a warm steady tune, and all seems well in the world.

The weekend had lots of people milling around and in particular, families created of two mommies and two daddies. Lots of color combinations with parents of one shade of human colors and their children in contrasting but complimentary hues from light tan to dark chocolate.

Then I wondered. Then I thought, does love come from nature or is it nurtured?

I know as a parent of a son and daughter, that the second they came into this world, there was no question of my unconditional love. They are a part of their mother and myself, and so unique that no duplicate could ever arise to take their place. My love for my kids seemed to come from nature, they are my offspring. But was it nurturing that really sealed the deal to guide me day by day minute by minute in how to love them and to always love them.

I ask this question because I read two disturbing news articles, proclaiming reason why LGBT parents should not raise children, adopt children, and how same sex couples do more harm to children than good. I read that article fostered by a group of people who claim to stand for family values, but seem only to question the values of what American's perceive as non traditional families.

Nature or nurture?

So how would those same individuals who claim same sex couples make bad parents, explain how the adults in the Fred Phelps Church group raise their kids? They teach their kids to hate at an early age. Send them out on missions to yell, scream and spew hate of every kind and sort. The parents in the Fred Phelps Church group tell their own children that if they grow up to be the F word, or marry some one of the N word they will go to hell, and they too will suffer the consequences of all devil children. And that is love?

The Neo- Nazi groups in America, teach their children that difference is bad. That not only the gender preference of a child should be heterosexual, but that color and religion can make a good person bad if it is not like the one the parents have chosen and approved of. These parents teach their children how to hate, how best to become a bigot, and how to fear their own feelings if their feelings are not the same as the parents. Is that a love from nature or is it nurtured?

And Orthodox Jews will disown their children if they might mention that they are Gay or Lesbian. Orthodox Jewish parents have been known to send their children out of the home and never speak to them again. Is that love from nature or nurturing?

Some Evangelical households send their children to therapy to "un-Gay" them. They tell their children they are a spawn from Satin and until they change their ways they can not be saved, or truly loved by God. And if God can not find room for them in His/Her heart, then surely a mere mortal of a human, the parent can not do so either. Nature or nurture?

I loved walking down Commercial Street, seeing the variety of families, heterosexual, and homosexual parents, LGBT children, straight kids sharing the same space, doing the same things, and for most of he families there, understanding that it was nature that created the children, but it was true, deep love that nurtured the families.

My kids are the greatest gift I have received in this life. But for me nature was the gift wrapping, the essence of the gift was how I nurtured them. I just wonder why more people find that so hard to understand.

yelling in the wind

Why does it seem when it comes to white collar crimes and especially misdeeds done by politicians, we have a standard of justice which usually rewards the criminal and leaves the victims of the crime, (usually the American taxpayer, voter and citizen), without any real reward or satisfaction.

Karl Rove has finally been subpoenaed to testify before Congress, on one of many alleged misdeeds he masterminded and originated for the Bush administration. However, Mister Rove and his lawyers have set such stipulations and guidelines for his testimony, that one wonders if he, Mister Rove or the Congress are really calling the shots.

Karl Rove is finally being asked about who knew of the firings of the 9 U.S. prosecutors, due to their inability to not follow Republican party orders and go after Democratic candidates during the years when elections for Federal office were being held.

Mister Rove has testified, but in a closed door setting and the results of his misdeeds will remain on record, but a record many Americans will never get to read.

Mister Rove was permitted to ruin the lives of 9 prosecutors, numerous politicians, and hundreds of Americans but he calls the shots, can remain unscathed legally, and clear his conscience with the aid of the U.S. Congress. Not fair, but like most white collar criminals he is protected by other white collared enablers.

Disgraced Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who made a mockery of the Justice Department, for George W. Bush, now will become a professor for Texas Tech University. This man had to resign his position as Attorney General, and still has about half a dozen investigations pending on his miscarriage of justice, and for all his misdeeds he is rewarded with a professorship at a University. Is it cronyism, is it pay off or is it one more example of white collar crimes being judged by other white collar criminals, so there may not be any fair justice leveled?

And the ex Vice President, Cheney, Vice President for George W. Bush, has started to receive income from Haliburton, (money he coul not collect while in office,) but finances which accumulated with interest in his bank account, during the years he and Mister Bush pushed the Iraq war. The war Mister Cheney insisted was to stop Saddam Hussein from creating weapons of mass destruction, which were never really found. So the U.S. had no bid contracts with Haliburton and their subsidiaries, and since we were in a time of war, it was important not to quiver with the price of freedom, so Mister Cheney's company made billions of dollars of profit, and now as the ex Vice President, controversial business dealings have paid off well, well at least for the Vice President. One more white collar crime, lots of victims but no criminal sent to jail. White collar crimes seem to be so avant guard.

Doesn't this bother any one that all this injustice, all this lawless behavior, all this hypocrisy goes unmet, unattended to, unanswered. That all these individuals can continue in their lives uninterrupted, uninvolved in the mess they created, and they are free to live and prosper. Many will write their books, confessing to few wrongs and explaining how right they were, and on top of getting away with the crime, reap the rewards of white collar crime.

I am curious if there really is a way to stop this blatant form of injustice? It makes me so angry, but it seems the anger is like yelling in the wind, you can scream and shout, but no one really hears you.

self importance

Self importance. When in doubt, do what you do, say what you will and then tell anyone listening or watching that all was said and done due to a higher calling. You were chosen to carry the burden.

Self importance. Start a project, but when it gets too difficult or the project is just to taxing to finish, or better yet, someone may discover your missteps and mishaps along the way, get out of the way, and say, you began it for others to now finish and complete the task.

Self importance. Blame others for their continuous harangues and whorish criticism, always picking on you or making you the victim, when all you really wanted to do is help those around you. You are the martyr not the victim, yet the bombardment of bad words and anger never seem to cease. THEY never give you a single solitary break.

Self importance. Be Sarah Palin, criticize all around you and never own up to any possible mistake or error, or disingenuous act. Speak to the masses in dangling sentences, talk about guns, or God, or abstention. Bully civil servants, be unintelligent on any matter that doesn't just seem to matter to you. And most of all say no one understands you as you ramble and ride roughshod, scapegoating anyone who might even challenge your credentials. And speaking of credentials throw them out of the window saying they were created by the elite, by the liberals, by people who just have no idea how the real world functions. And quit your job because it is too hard or worse, because you may finally be found to to be no more than a shadow on the wall which at first dawn disappears.

How much longer do we have to be fooled, bullied, lied to, and spoken to by this charlatan, phony, and self anointed self important person.

Wake up America!

Self importance. Say you will live a moral and ethical life. pronounce statements from a Bible, and quote God in any manner whatsoever, but never really practice what it is you preach. After all, you know better, and rhetoric quenches the masses thirst, they might drink water and you certainly deserve the wine.

empty promises

Senator Mc Cain, produced a four minute informercial/Fourth of July greeting. Aside from the poor reading from the tele-prompter, a very painfully slow delivery, the Senator made some statements about the glory and grandeur of the United States, and our history.

I applaud the Senator for reminding us of how great a nation we have become, but in his lessons from the past regarding the fighting of tyranny, seeking freedoms, wanting equal justice, and finding democratic means to reach these goals, the Senator never once mentioned the struggle for the LGBT community.

The Senator spoke about slavery, women's rights, the ability for for all citizens to live a just and equal life in this country, but never once once said, directly, how all of the perks of a perfect democracy should affect and be effective in stopping the alienation of the LGBT American citizen.

The thing is, for me, IS when a politician seems to be saying the right thing, but never really says the words to cause an action to take place thus making the deed come to fruition then nothing really has been spoken. Empty promises! Talking about freedom, equality, fairness, but never saying how it should come to one of the last bastions of a minority population in this country, the LGBT community, worries me; because the silence in this case is more deafening than the pretty posturing of words assuming that justice will reign. How will IT reign if no one mentions the names of the people it is supposed to reign upon?

I get so tired of rhetoric with no real resonance. I get tired of weak words. I get tired of silence when it comes to substance.

We do live in a great nation, but when the greatness is geared for a few and not the many, when the laws are made to protect the fears, the bigotry, the uneducated masses of a land, I wonder, how those in the minority will ever become a priority.

I am tired of waiting. I am 59, I do not want to miss the opportunity to see my LGBT peers lose the opportunity to marry via a Federal Amendment, or have my peers adopt children freely, or watch the younger generation of soldiers, sailors, pilots (who happen to be LGBT individuals) serve this nation, And I do not want to watch from a distance as a loved one dies in a hospital because someone forgot to bring a paper from the attorney saying they are partners and it is okay to have their lover die in his/her arms.

So Senator Mc Cain, nice words, but empty in content. If you are a true American hero, sir, why not be brave enough and say, ENOUGH, we must PRESERVE and DEMAND equal rights for all Americans, and those Americans INCLUDE the LGBT community.

I am so tired of erroneous words and EMPTY PROMISES.

don't we deserve better

I am not sure of the American public's infatuation with average. We watch "reality" television shows, with D list actors, we have at least a dozen courtroom shows highlighting some the most unintelligent self demeaning personalities around, we have talent shows where sometimes very capable people are judged by a panel who might, using the skill set of all three members of the panel to tie a show lace, complete that task, and we have politicians who look for the lowest common denominator in the American human spirit, and because they may spew the bigotry and fear we shamefully silently share, or mutter mushy words about morals and ethics, with the caveat do as i say not as i do, or tell us the negatives of others, saying they are bad so I am better, so vote for me, and we do vote, and we do support. And we wonder why when the dust settles, WHY did we just waste an hour of our time watching that stupid show, or how did we get duped into voting for that rotten politician.

And now once again, Sarah Palin, gains the spotlight, and tells us she does not stay the norm others have paved. She is doing the people of Alaska a favor, because if she is a lame duck Governor, she will only have two and a half more years to complete her tasks, in which she was elected, except that why would she do that because there are only two and a half more years to do it and well ya know then what? Huh???

Sarah Palin, elected for 4 years decides that half of the term is enough to get the job done, and perhaps someone else can finish her term and get that job done even better.

And there are Republicans crying and ringing their fingers, because for now she is packing her Governors bag and leaving the big house in Juneau.

Sarah Palin is average, and awful below the curve of average. She is a hypocrite when it comes to honesty in politics, she failed her daughter Bristol in parenting, she leaves a legacy of perhaps some kind of shady dealings in the hirings and firings of Alaska State staff, she continues to contradict her statements and with a straight face after a video is played, showing the world direct statements coming from her mouth, she insists it was taken out of context.

But she is loved by many, and many think she is the perfect person to be President.

I just don't understand our complacency with AVERAGE. Don't we deserve better?

Why do we insist people like Palin represent us? Do we think we are only average? I don't!

save the date

It's Fourth of July weekend in Provincetown MA. There are red white and blue everything imaginable floating, flying and freedom is ringing loud and clear, here.

No one seems to be daunted by the debate on same sex marriage, and for many, their marriages are being celebrated in a city which is lucky enough to be a part of a state which unfortunately enough, when it comes to LBGT human rights is a part of a country full of contradictions and message.

The beauty of the Fourth in Provincetown is the ability for people in love to demonstrate their love without demonstrators following them. Holding hands, if the hands happen to be one female attached to another female, heads on shoulders if the shoulders are hairy or muscled or bony belonging to one man attached to another man, seem to be common, and if you didn't know better you might think things were quite normal in Anywherevill U.S.A, not Sodom or Gomorra.

But its only Provincetown, and the magic like Disneyland usually ends with fairy boat ride home or as the cars exit on Route 6 headed to anywhere but here. And you wave good bye to Mickey or Minnie, give them one last open to the public squeeze and head home.

It is the the eve of a holiday which promised this new country of Americans that all men and women would be treated equal, that without the tyranny of a King or Queen, our elected officials would be the spokespeople for the common citizen, that from this day forth, the Fourth, we would proudly represent a way of life with civil liberties, human value and civil rights for all.

There were no video cameras then, so perhaps off the record a few people said, well maybe not for ALL, but most of all, or least the majority of people.

When do LGBT Americans stop this wave of taxation without representation? Or is it being taxed, taxed by the feeling that less than is just as good as equal to, or wait, we will get to it, or not now stupid, Obama just got into office, can't rush him on this, or its the Gays who are to blame.

Imagine if by the Fourth of July in 2010, the LGBT community came out of the closets, withheld checks to lying politicians, didn't accept tidbits but demanded the full course, stopped waiting and waiting, proudly announced that we are here and in this case not necessarily queer, but just a good as anyone else.

And imagine if we stopped asking but began to take.

I imagine there would be a whole hell of a lot of colorful fireworks.

So save the date Happy Fourth of July 2010!

just curious

Facts we did not know, but do exist.

It is proven that for every same sex couple allowed to wed, 20 opposite sex couples divorce immediately.

Reading books aloud to your children about two mommies or two daddies, will turn you son into a tiara wearing ballet dancing sissy, and your daughter will immediately sign up for shop class, not shave her legs and start drinking BUD from a can.

If you allow "out " teachers in the classroom, most first graders will have learned how to put on condoms by second grade and three fourth of the fifth graders will talk with a lisp and never wear white after Labor Day.

Joe the Plumber did talk to God about his consideration to run for office. God told Joe the Plumber that Joe should walk the earth as Jesus did and comfort the common man, or work for Fox News.

Did you know that both Senator John Ensign and Governor Mark Sanford both told Bill Clinton to resign after cheating on his wife. Both men said there was no place in politics for a man who valued his own sexual proclivities over a moral and decent married life. And both men certainly walked the walk of Bill Clinton, and seem to talk his talk. Some say the three are really long lost triplets.

That an Oklahoma state representative, named Sally Kern seems to think she had a private audience with God, and is his/her press secretary. She is telling the people of Oklahoma that the "gay lifestyle", is the cause for all the bad that has befallen America. And god is so pissed off he wants Ms Kern to write a Proclamation of Morality, making it a newest of Gospels for the King James Bible.

Did you know that unless you correct every misconception based on fear or hate or bigotry, religious dogma, ignorance or self loathing, the facts of your life become so jumbled and misconstrued that it will be hard for you to find the truth.

When do we stop the nonsense. When do we take the conditions of our life into our hands.

Just curious.