He said, "...dad, did you and mom ever smoke dope?" My ex-wife and I had been college students in the late 60's and although we were not the rebellious, long haired, tie- dyed hippie bra and draft card burning college coeds, we both had done our fair share of rolling our own joints and enjoying a toke or two or three.
Upon our wanting children, my ex-wife and I also decided that in raising our children we would ensure a home with honest and relevant answers, providing our kids with answers that may difficult to express, but more meaningful and just. ( new parents are so beautifully naive).
So, when my son asked this question about marijuana, I was a bit shaken and a lot taken aback.
I am not sure if you have ever done a full scan of possible answers when asked an uncomfortable question, but my brain began to do free fall and in a matter of 30 seconds I had come up with a whole list of answers, from the kind that Ward Cleaver would tell the Beaver, to how Mister Rogers would address the folks in his neighborhood, to something in between similar to how my own father would have answered, except, I would have never asked my own father this question.
My son was good however, very good, and he knew if I did not answer the question with more immediacy, then in fact the answer I would provide most likely would not be a true answer, so my son, cleared his throat and asked the question again, "...well dad, did you, shouldn't be too hard either yes or no!..."
So I answered, "...that yes in fact your mother and I did smoke some marijuana BUT we were in college, MUCH older than you, and it was, after all, the 60's..."
My son looked at me and said," Cool. I was just wondering. Mom said you didn't."
Seems, during the Bush administration, the American public was given a few answers to too many few questions raised by the public about everything from our civil liberties regarding warrant-less wire taping, interrogations of people presumed to be terrorists to the whole issue of weapons of mass destruction causing the U.S. to go to war in Iraq.
Seems we are given conflicting answers from people like Senator Coburn of Oklahoma about what his involvement and the involvement of the the "family religious group from C street is and has been in the adulterous affairs of two of its most prominent Republican members, Senator Ensign of Nevada and Governor Sanford of South Carolina.
Seems one parent is saying one thing and the other parent is providing conflicting answers. Out of guilt perhaps?
Who are we protecting when not telling the truth, and why does the truth seem just so darn hard to express?
In my case regarding marijuana, it was shame and hypocrisy. Here we were concerned parents talking about the negatives of pot smoking trying to have our kids not try it: when in fact we did it and loved it and had for the most part one hell of a time doing it. But how could we tell our son it was fun, it was cool it was OKAY when we did not want him to participate.
And then there is the government, the Bush administration, the Conservative Republicans lying to us about freedoms and safety and moral and ethics. Telling us do as I say not as I do and stop asking such silly questions. We are your parents just listen to us.
So, back to my son. Later that night, my wife and I went to our son's bedroom and as we were tucking him in we both apologized for the two versions of the same story. We admitted our usage, and added the caveat that we would hope he and his sister would not try any drugs that even though we did marijuana, it was wrong in the eyes of the law, and it did make us a little more vulnerable to our immediate environment because we were high. And that we hope if he is considering using marijuana or anything else he speak with us first.
Our son looked up at us from the bed and said, "...I just wondered, and thanks for the truth."
Hmmm, thanks for the truth. So Misters Bush, Ensign, Sanford and Coburn, when do we get the truth so we can thank you?
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