when is enough

Every now and then enough seems to be enough and I am tired of having to defend equality, freedom and justice. I get tired of listening to a debate generated by people who base fact on bigotry, reason on religious irrationality, and find fortitude in fear and the mongering of fear. I am tired of having to defend, explain, complain, try to understand why in this country my rights as a Gay man are still an issue and why separate but equal even arise as a question.

I get outraged to think that often multiple married men and women, adulterers, those who practice infidelity, seem to think that their insincerity, their lack of commitment, their selfish behavior does not discount the structure of the institution of marriage and only me being a Gay person has the strength to devalue, devastate and destroy heterosexual marriages. I am angered when a heterosexual mom or dad, abuse their kids, ignore their kids, refuse to pay child support or divorce themselves from their kids, only to be preached at that Gays are poor role models let alone fit to be parents or to adopt.

I am disappointed that religious leaders, without any grace for God, decide to recite selected passages from their Bible siting Gays as the malaise of the modern world and ignore the real issues of existence, like hunger, poverty, quality of life, equality and fairness. And I am so tired of politicians ignoring the Constitution and replacing it with a bigots version of the Bible.

I can't believe that we are still debating DOMA, we are still arguing if Gays should be parents, if bullying of Gay kids is a right or a wrong. I can't believe that we are still permitting the ignorant,uneducated, biased and bigoted to control the debate and even holding a debate on the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness of Americans who happen to be Gay.

We have elected some dumb people to office in this nation. They promised to cut back government involvement in our lives and to create jobs. So far all they have been able to do is create a more intrusive government, create a we vs they, and have decided that creating hate is more important then creating jobs. And for all those who don't happen to be Gay and think this battle is not theirs better pay better attention because women, elderly, disabled, poor and most non Evangelical Christians are on the "to hate" list.

Every now and then I can't take reading one more story about homophobia without ever finding any reason or rational for the hate. Every now and then when I think it might get better, we take five steps back and suddenly we as Americans are so unrecognizable and scary. Every now and then I get even sicker to my stomach thinking that this even has to be discussed. When is enough finally enough?

Rena

My mother was always the one to provide a reason why, a strong hug, encouragement and never a judgement but a story to aid in the trials and tribulations her children found themselves either drowning in or delighting with. As far as I was concerned she invented strong and thrived on secure and sensitive. My mother, I thought was invincible and it was inconceivable to even consider this world without her.

We lived in a very modest row house all six of us, three sisters, me and my parents, living on a very modest policeman's income, but there was hardly a night when dinner did not include a friend or two, relatives and someone from out of town who heard that Rena Buncher was the best cook and baker in Pittsburgh and had to come by and say hello. My Mother a child of the depression, never wanted anyone to go hungry and she had cans of this and that, chicken, and beef in the second hand freezer and plenty of fruits and vegetables to serve crowds and crowds of people so no one would ever go hungry. You reach out she would say and by doing so there is comfort within.

My mother would cook and bake and when we went to the Squirrel Hill Community Day picnic at Kennywood Park she would make enough fried chicken, potato salad, chocolate cake with creamy chocolate icing for her family and friends and the few dozen strays who might be at the park with no family in which to share dinner. The other neighbors from Denniston Avenue would bring the pickles, olives, salads and jello molds and wait with bated breath as my mother opened the cooler and serve her Rena's fried chicken. It was like a holiday celebration.

My Mother was a woman having kids in the decades of the forties and fifties. She lived under a very male dominated society and in doing so, was given the task of raising the kids, cleaning the house, cooking the meals and told by society that doing all of those tasks was enough, and as a woman there were no greater expectations. My Mother was an educated, smart and intelligent person, and found means to express her talents and discovered ways to permit her personality to blossom and become less confined. She was active in organizations that provided assistance to the blind, the poor. She joined the Women's Auxiliary of the Fraternal Order of Police after she heard that anti-Semitic rhetoric was being spewed by some ignorant and misinformed women. She became the President of that group and in doing so led by example, never lecturing and had many a woman who never met a Jew, begin to see that Jews were no different then they.

My Mother believed that what you do, how you do it and believing in what you do is a common denominator in communicating to people. If you are honest, real, genuine and never pretend to be someone you are not others who share the same qualities as you will find you embrace you and respect you.

She was the backbone, the spirit, the conscience, the heart and soul of the lives of our family.

My Mother lived to be 91 years old. She was not going to die and no matter what ailment afflicted her, she mad a miraculous comeback and was ready for the next day, month, year. Her energy to live was something to envy. She was also one with insight, and the day of her death, told my sisters, I am ready, this is okay.

I never could bring myself to think of my life on this Earth without my Mother. Like wondering about the size of the universe, or who created God just thinking about the death of my Mother was overwhelming and hard. Those were matters that were unfathomable.

I am a man of 61 and still miss my Mother and wonder how I have survived without her a plane flight away a telephone call away. I know, that as long as I remember her and have a place for her in my heart she is alive.

I wrote a birthday card for my Mother which said:

So many reasons to say how much you have meant to me.

So many ways to express my gratitude for your love and care.

So many times to remember the lessons learned.

Just so much!

So many moments of fond memories, each forming stories with great expectations and excitement.

So many tears and smiles, enough to spread around he world.

So many pictures to place in the photo album of my mind, recalling and recollecting events which seem special only because of you.

Just so much.

So much of my because of you.

Happy Mother's Day, Mummy I love you, now and forever.

a plea to mothers

Today, I have a plea for all mothers who will be celebrated during Mother's Day, all mothers who should be celebrated for Mother's day, and any woman lucky enough to have given birth and brought a new life to this Earth. Today I have a plea for any woman who is called Mom, Madre, Ema, Mum, Mummy, Ma and who is loved and respected by those in her life. Today I have a plea for those females who went through labor, who realized that inside their bodies was a being hoping to attain equality, freedom and liberty. Today I have a plea for any women who from their children's first breath, swore that every breath after would be easier and deeper.

On Sunday, May 8, 2011 many an American will honor, respect and acknowledge their mothers. They will quietly or loudly let their mothers know just how important, invested and interested they have been in the lives of their offspring, and how the simplest to the most complicated machinations made, made a difference in the lives of their kids. And most to many a Mom will be deserving of all those accolades.

But in America of 2011, there suddenly seems to be a shift in the minds and hearts of some very loud and loose Americans that not ALL the children of the mothers to be celebrated on Mother's Day deserve the same honor and respect so stated in our Constitution. For some Americans in 2011 there seems to be a division based on gender, economics and sexual orientation that discriminates in a biased and bigoted way whose children of the mothers to be honored on Mother's Day deserve freedoms and equality and whose DON'T!

If your child is a Gay man or a Lesbian, if she is a woman raped, sexually abused, ill educated about intercourse, living in poverty, to mention a few there are many in this nation of ours who have decided that those people those kids, those offspring all born from mothers need not apply to the slogan "...life liberty and the pursuit of happiness". If your child happens to be of color, a non-evangelical Christian then he or she should not be considered anything but sub standard.

My plea for mothers is to, in turn on the day they are so well received by their loved ones, shout out loud and clear that this nation is based on fair and equal, that all children deserve to live under the same laws, and as mothers bringing life into this world means providing a life of justice, conscience and love for all.

Imagine how impressive it would be for ALL mothers on Mother's Day to shout hate has no place in this nation, ever. For ALL mothers to find commonality and remove doubt and fear.

mothers day

Last night House Republicans voted in favor of an appalling piece of anti-choice legislation that could force victims of rape and incest to relive their trauma during an IRS audit and deny millions of American women access to life-saving reproductive health care.

Their assault on women has nothing to do with saving money and everything to do with forcing extremist beliefs into the tax code of the United States of America. And they didn't stop there. They used the occasion to sneak in a provision restricting the definition of rape to deny victims access to reproductive health care -- even after they claimed to have removed the language in the face of overwhelming public opposition.

Mother's Day is just around the corner, millions of people in this nation will write a card, buy flowers, make reservations, buy cheap perfume, make dinner or spend a quiet afternoon with their Mom. They will remind their mothers of how much love is gathered and garnered, collected and shared for a woman who has done so much for their lives. There will be a demonstration of respect, reverence and reserve for this female and stories told about how wonderful she is. Some will recount of the bravery, dedication, energy, or direction each mother had demonstrated in the life of her children. She will be respected as a unique and one of a kind person, one of a kind woman one of a kind female.

But after the Hallmark cards are delivered, the florist has brought the bouquets, the restaurant bill has been paid, according to those who hate women, who still consider them chattel, who quote verse and scripture denying women any real rights, the Republican/Baggers who use religion to hate and the Constitution as a weapon, and their own male insecurities as reason will once again pursue their policy of separate but not equal. They will pursue the low road of not granting women access to health care, family planning and a lack of respect for women to have power over their own reproduction rights.

We all have mothers, we all know sisters, aunts, nieces and girls. We all work with, live next to, share secrets, laugh and cry with women. And suddenly there is a hue and cry from the Republican/Baggers that women are not smart enough to understand their bodies, not smart enough to know what really causes rape, and not smart enough to make any choice that a man first has agreed to.

Is this the way we should celebrate Mother's Day 2011? If not maybe its time to fight back hard and fast and say enough is quite enough so our mothers really see how much we love them.

america of americans

We were elated, many of us in our own manner and acting out our own machinations, at the news that a villain who destroyed the lives, livelihood and loves of Americans was captured and killed. For some, his quick execution was like an elixir and dancing in the streets, shooting pistols and spontaneous spasms of the singing of the national anthem were witnessed and worn. For some a moment of silence and remembrance of those we lost was embraced and for some, reflection of an unimaginable instance enveloped us and smothered our emotions and once again we took pause.

Whether we were right, correct or morally moved, dismayed, desensitized or delayed in understanding what just happened, most of us found the time to think aloud, in a group as a collective and look at our history and either in awe, angst or anger stopped and shared this America with Americans. We faced a past living in the present and for a brief moment found our future solid and sure.

And then that moment passed and some of us found our boulevards traveling to the far right or the remote left, replacing respect with revenge, fortitude with frenzied xenophobia, collective with more for me and less for you, and united with if they are not like us they are not one of us. And we were no longer Americans celebrating America, but enemies finding dissent and disarray as the definition of democracy and decency.

In a country as great as ours defined by a people who have the will to keep it great, somehow we seem to ignore what it is we have in common and harp on why we must be different. We use the crutches of religious zealots insatiable appetite to blame, the lack of self realization, the fear of others greatness as our reason for mediocre, and ignorance of fact to fan the flames of hate bias and bigotry. We relish the irrationality of lies to justify our own insecurities and never want to own up to our own responsibility for change...change inclusive of all.

We have moments in the history of this nation where we can state the time, day, weather, and location of where we were, what we felt and what we shared when crisis, chaos, joy or jubilation overcame most of us and embedded itself in a permanent psyche of all Americans. They were defining moments not only on a personal level but in such greatness as to provide a commonality for rich/poor, white/black, gay/straight, Republican/Democrat, religious/atheist, man/woman, corporation/union. And when we sang the Star Spangled Banner or God Bless America we shouted the lyrics to include ALL of us.

How does it happen that we can grasp at the fabric that makes America great and just as quickly let it slip from our hands and become void of our hearts? How does it happen we can be great, great enough for all of us to grow, and then suddenly become so lost in selfishness we are diminished in soul and conscience?

We have seen how we behave as Americans with one voice and how we behave when no one wants to listen to anyone else's voice. We have done it and know it is easier to try and oh so difficult not to.

enough said

Almost 50 years ago my father, as a policeman in the city of Pittsburgh, decided that too many cops were being shot at, wounded or ending up in the hospital. He had many comrades, friends and peers who in the line of duty found them selves needing blood transfusions and donations of blood to help them heal from receiving injuries in the line of duty.

No one seemed to care about the policeman after he saved the day, yeah there was lots of bragging about the bravery and boldness of Pittsburgh's finest before they entered the line of fire, but little bravura after they suffered the consequences of placing their life on the line.

My dad decided that too many police were suffering from needing blood donations and not having the means to afford them and many times were left suffering or left responsible to pay the bills to pay for the blood. So he, with a help a few bold men fought for and founded the Pittsburgh Police Blood Bank. This agency would be the first line of defense for injured police in the line of duty to receive blood without the worry of paying for it or having to wait their turn. My dad was hailed as a hero by his fellow police officers of Pittsburgh and insisted he did the deed because it mattered.

When I was fifteen years old, the city of Pittsburgh finally found the resolve to acknowledge the hard work of its first responders. The politicians realized that there were people, real people behind the uniforms of its men in blue and maybe it would be good to say thank you. The current President of the Fraternal Order of Police was recognized and honored. He was also congratulated for his foresight in starting a blood bank for the police. When I heard this I was appalled, I was furious, I was pissed. "Dad, I said, you were the one who created this, you started this, you deserve the honor."

Throughout my life my dad encouraged my accomplishments. He would speak proudly of the horizons I climbed and the advances I made both large and small. But he insisted that what we do is done because we felt it was right and it never mattered how many people knew it and bragging about it lessened the pure reasons of what we attempted and tried. My dad insisted that those who need 'kovet' (honor), need it because they really never finished the task they began and they began the task only to fill the lack of self they suffered from. He said when you do right, you did right and any righteousness from that act will fulfill you more then applause, acknowledgement, or accord.

President Obama with the assistance of a team of men and women who decided that it was time to take control of our destiny accomplished a daring and dangerous mission and destroyed the life of a man who cared less for the lives of others. This President went beyond the rhetoric and romance of promising action and instead did the deed. And humbly and honestly spoke of the act and did not ask for much more.

But in the wake of this heroic act, those of the Bush/Cheney Republican clan of hate mongers, liars and fabricators now are claiming a piece of the "I did it pie". I am the one deserving of the honor and hubris's, pick me, pick me. Eight years of Bush and eight years of terrorism and the man behind our fears still alive.

In my father's words, if you did the deed and it was successful then enough said. If you wish the deed and never try just shut up!

again and again

Moments that make America one. Moments when bravery can boldly stand tall and remove doubt or despair. Moments when we are one with a cause and concern that is collective. Moments like the announcement of the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden on May 1, 2011.

Spontaneous singing of the Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, of chanting life liberty and the pursuit of happiness for everyone...EVERYONE living in America erupting all over this country. Spontaneous groups of people joining together to announce out loud a release of anxiety, angst and anger that took almost ten years to cling to their souls. Spontaneous crowds of strangers reaching out to one another finding commonality and care identifying each other as friend.

In the midst of division, deceit, fiction and falsehoods, in the hue and cry of difference is bad, we vs they, my way or the highway, in the firestorm of fear and phony for moments on Sunday, May 1, 2011, there was no one as the enemy, no one as the problem, no one to blame, but EVERYONE to hug, hold, and holler stating how great a country in which we live.

In our recent history we have found more reasons to hate, to remove, reject, to ridicule. We have, in our recent history looked for losers act like lemmings, lie and never let self appointed others to be a part of our lives. Recently we never felt it necessary to find strength in inclusion, but enjoyed being exclusive.

I hope we as Americans can begin the process of healing, helping, and harken this pride this jubilation, this joy we felt on May 1, 2011 and begin again, become one America again, and again and again.