all is not every

I was living in Houston when my daughter was about to enter middle school in Pittsburgh. It has been a time in my life of drama, distraught, and depression. I had come out as a Gay man but was so ashamed of being Gay at the time I felt it better to leave Pittsburgh and try my new life in a different city. But all along, even though I was not living in Pittsburgh, I still was vested in my kids lives, and albeit physically not available I was emotionally and mentally there for my kids.

The old adage of had I known now, blah, blah, blah now and then rings through my mind, but honestly, I didn’t know and I had to make the best I could the best way I thought I could.

I was not able to get to Pittsburgh the week of parent visitation but still wanted to enjoy the opportunity most parents living in Pittsburgh had to partake in orientation of Reizenstein Middle School. I was an involved parent in my kids lives and this newest of adventures for my pre teen daughter was one I felt important for me to experience. I wanted to be a part of the decision of where she would attend three very important years of her young life.

So I called the principal of Reizenstein Middle School explaining my situation that I could not book a flight during the week of parent orientation, but being an involved parent I would like the opportunity to visit at the school’s earliest convenience. The principal listened for about the first three minutes of my phone call and then abruptly said, sorry Mr. Buncher, one week for parents and that is all we can do, maybe next year you can visit. I then interrupted the principal and said, certainly if I lived in Pittsburgh I would find the time to visit during the week, but I am in Houston. Surely, I added you might consider this request as a. I am an involved parent and b. I am two time zones away. Sorry, rules are rules finished the principal.

This did not sit well with me and I immediately called the Pittsburgh School Board and spoke with two Board members told them my story and once again asked for permission to tour the school and meet with the principal. Both School Board members were shocked that the answer from the principal was no and that the principal said that rules are rules.

A week later I had an appointment to visit the school. I am a big believer that mistakes are made and holding a grudge longer than 5 minutes is not worth the time or energy. I was appreciative I could visit the school and did realize that in fact the principal was a busy woman. So I was ready to thank her for her time. Prior to my moving to Houston I had been the Assistant Executive Director at the Pittsburgh Jewish Community Center and because of the great work the JCC had done within the community I did have some name recognition. Upon meeting the principal the first thing out of her mouth was, oh so you are that Gerry Buncher. I was surprised and did not know how to respond. The principal continued, I want to apologize to you about not making an exception in visiting our school, but you and I being Jewish you certainly understand that once one person in the Jewish community finds out I did a favor or made an exception everyone else in the Jewish community will expect the same.

Needless to say I was appalled by the words of this self hating Jew who so easily categorized all Jews as the same person and pigeonholing all Jews as selfish and demanding. She went on to say, please don’t tell anyone you got to see the school a week after we closed visitations.

I won’t go on explaining my follow up to this ridiculous ridicule of ALL JEWS and the summation of character of ALL JEWS, and stereotyping of ALL JEWS, but I might add the principal did not have an easy life afterwards. Instead of rewarding my intent to be an involved parent, my eagerness to be a part of my daughters life, I was asked to not let anyone know a favor was provided me!

As we watch the candidates running for president trying to represent the Republican/Tea Party, we hear these men and women pleading for the hearts and souls of bigoted biased bogus people and in their zeal to be elected these candidates sum up ALL Gays as undermining the democracy of this nation, trying to destroy anything Christian, destroying the institution of marriage and the value of family. We hear the candidates labeling ALL GAYS as the same person with the same motive and ALL GAYS as evil. We hear the hue and cry of stereotyping, the slander of character, the determination that anyone GAY must be bad.

Among the things I happen to be I am a Jew. I am a Jew unlike any other Jew and very much the same as most Jews. I am a parent. I am a parent with my unique capabilities and share some very common factors with millions of other parents. I am a Gay man. I live and love in my own special way and I live my life participating in daily chores weekly activities very similar to any other Gay man living in Los Angeles. I am an American and I have a set of values and standards that fit my personality and I participate as a citizen like my fellow Americans. I am not always like anyone else and I am sometimes so similar it is scary.

My daughter is 31 and the incident at Reizenstein school is decades old, but I still remember how angry I was being told this is how Jews behave. I am 62 years old and I am so tired, angry pissed off, perturbed, how so many Americans are duped into believing how all Gays are the same. I know how I behave as a Jew,I know how I behave as a Gay man and I know how I behave as an American.

Whether the ignorance emanates from fearful religious leaders who secretly fear their God may not be all that powerful, from family members who put hate in front of love, from individuals who never look inward for truth but would rather point outward for blame, no matter from where it stems, it has to stop. The spread of lies is based on a baseless foundation.

If you dislike me, don’t trust me, hate me, do all of that because you know me. I am not like anyone else and I am so much the same at the same time. I am so tired of hearing all Jews...all Gays...all Poor...all Unemployed...all Rich.

It is time for a grip of reality, nope, not the kind we see on reality TV, but the kind we live,we participate we share with everyone else, Jew, Gay, Poor, Unemployed and Rich.