“There was a time, our happiness seemed never-ending
I was so sure, that where we were heading was right.
Life was a road, so certain and straight and unbending
Our little road, with never a cross road in sight.
Back in the days, when we spoke in civilized voices
Women in white, and sturdy young men at the oar
Back in the days, when I let you make all my choices...
We can never go back to before” My mother was a smart woman, too smart for the 40’s and 50’s. No need for college, first become a secretary, then as soon as possible a wife and very soon after a mother. My mothers first husband died, leaving my mother with two very young daughters, it was 1943 and her nuclear family worried, what would become of this used up woman, who would want her. Thank goodness she met my father. He was a proud chauvinist and in the late 40’s and 50’s a real man earned every last penny and was expected to work until his heart was about to explode. A real man in the 50’s would NEVER permit his wife, his chattel to work, cooking, cleaning, schtooping, was all the little gal had to do, so my mother acquiesced and begat me and my little sister. Her kids were grown, but still my father insisted it was masculinity at play and as much as we needed the second income (desperately so), all my mother was permitted to do was volunteer.
“There was a time, my feet were so solidly planted
You'd sail away, while I turned my back to the sea.
I was content, A princess asleep and enchanted.
If I had dreams, Then I let you dream them for me
Back in the days, When everything seemed so much clearer
Women in white, Who knew what their lives held in store
Where are they now, Those women who stared from the mirror?
We can never go back to before.” My oldest sister was a whiz at math, she could spell words with ease of a computer (no such thing back in the late 50’s and early 60’s) Maxine was smart, but before she might even think about a career, her job was to get married and at the ripe old age of 18 right out of high school she did so. Being a secretary was the female expectation in our family, first, because that was what women did, and secondly it would never get in the way of marriage. My second oldest sister, Bonnie was artistic, she also loved to style hair, well, thought the powers to be, maybe she could be a beautician, but beauticians might not be in the pool of eligible bachelors so she became a secretary. If Bonnie had any artistic inclinations she could do so when she wasn't out and about finding a man. She caused some concern in the family because Bonnie did not marry until she was 20. (Lets just say there was great consternation).
“There are people out there, unafraid of revealing
That they might have a feeling, or they might have been wrong
There are people out there, unafraid to feel sorrow, unafraid of tomorrow, unafraid to be weak... unafraid to be strong!” My daughter had a dream, hers included music, creativity, a chance for her voice, her choice, her expressions and her way. Her mother and I understood the beauty of dreams, the value of self expression and the need to never stifle. My daughter is a woman who is able to be the person she must be, not who we say she must be. Her parents are scared, protective, but fucking PROUD!
“There was a time, When you were the person in motion
I was your wife, It never occurred to want more
You were my sky, My moon and my stars and my ocean
We can never go back to before, We can never go back to before.” In honor of the chances my mother and sister could never take, in memory of how the men, how society, and even other women directed and demanded certain actions and inactions toward females, in great awe as my daughter opens new thresholds once forbidden or taboo, I as a son, a father, brother, a friend will never let Trump or any Republican Christian Conservative EVER try and make the women in my life GO BACK TO BEFORE. (The lyrics are from the wonderful artistry of Lynn Aherns from the Musical ‘Ragtime’)
