It is Friday, January 20, 2023. Here I sit at my computer located in my home office, pondering about the world in which I find my self living. The rain has been relentless in North Truro Massachusetts, causing a vast of array hues of gray. (I honestly had no idea there could be sad gray, depression gray, anxiety gray, piss you off gray and the ever present, fuck you gray.)
Once the debacle of the election of the Speaker of the House ended, I made a promise to myself, that would once again not watch Cable News, or for that fact any Media outlet of news, because just knowing that the same people who encouraged Trump’s attempt at a Coup, would, no matter who pretended to the Speaker, remain in power, and in their usual, unintelligent, uneducated, un-American ways fuck up ALL AND EVERYTHING. During the McCarthy Fiasco, I began to feel a sense of helplessness, creep into my body. I tried to pretend, that I could maneuver my life away from perceived doom and gloom, but once I read about the celebrations by hideous traitors like Putin-Greene/BOEBERRT/Gaetz/ Gosar/Jordan it was nonstop for the palpitations within my body, and a true sense that I could not breathe. I know these are some symptoms of having a Panic Disorder.
So, once I began to feel the physical onset attacking my mind and body, I took time to meditate and reflect, as to why and how come. I did an internal debate, with me, myself, and I, and spent time processing the WHY and WHY NOT’S, the HOW and HOW NOT’S. I realized as a part of this Panic, was the idea, for me that I was tired of EVIL winning way too often, almost becoming a DEFAULT, while GOOD became the scapegoat, and somehow overlooked.
From DeSantis pretending that WOKE is bad, to the Republican-appointed Supreme Court Justices, establishing their own Banana Republic, to Seditionists as Committee Chairs within the House, to some Media Outlets insisting that somehow whatever awful actions done by Republicans, it is the same thing as for the Democrats. What to do, what to do. Then as I tried to catch one more breath, thinking my chest might explode, I said to myself… a quote from Hillel the Elder, "If not us, who? And if not now, when?” I will try and handle my Panic Disorder, because, I believe, that GOOD must triumph over EVIL, because what will remain, if I do not try and make change!
